I remember several years ago, my sister was diagnosed with a condition, which required treatment with daily medication. For the rest of her life. I remember at the time, she was quite upset about this. She was concerned that she would have to take medication every day for the rest of her life. I honestly didn't see the problem at the time; I thought: You have a medical condition, you take your meds, you feel better. What's the problem?
Well today, I was in the bath and I found myself counting pills in my head matching them to the days until my next endo visit, trying to calculate if I will need to call to get a refill before my next visit. Just to clarify how mental I was being: I have almost a full bottle and there are two refills already on the prescription. I was freaking out about three months ahead of when I needed to. I got hold of myself and settled down to soap my toes.
But I realized that I now understand where my sister had been coming from all those years ago.
There is something very humbling about being dependent on a medication to preserve your health and quality of life. Knowing that there is a possibility I could be left without this drug, say if I had to go on a trip or if my coverage changes; leaves me feeling exposed and quite vulnerable. I am used to being completely self sufficient. But now I know that my body is missing a vital component which will forever need to be replaced from outside.
I am certainly not the first person to face this reality. Many people with conditions like diabetes, heart disease and chronic pain are dependent on medication to preserve life and/or quality of life. I have been on medications long-term in the past, like NSAIDS for chronic pain, but I have always known that I could cope without them. I may not be very happy, but I would still function.
The difference now is this: I know without Florinef, I will be incapacitated within about 24 hours. If my experience at Christmas with rebound effects is anything to go by, I mean I would probably be convulsing violently for prolonged periods and unable to call 911 if alone.
That's a scary thought.
I know I should be grateful that my condition is treatable (I am) and I know there are options available to make provisions for emergency situations -MedicAlert and all that stuff. I am going to talk to my doc about it. And I will be fine with this stuff once it all sinks in and my head stops reeling.
But before it does, I am going to call my sister and apologize for my lack of sensitivity 12 years ago.