One Sick Mother

Do I Want To Be Starting Somethin?

"Who's Michael Jackson?" 

Those were the first words out of Joe's mouth when I mentioned the Gloved One's passing to Himself over the dinner table. Grace echoed the question a second or two later: "Yeah. Who's Michael Jackson?"

Honestly, I was taken aback by this question.  Having grown up in the 70s and 80s, I was immersed in the Jacksons (most of them) growing up. Even though I wasn't particularly a fan, there was no escaping the Jackson 5 in the 70's, MJ in the 80s and early 90s (and Janet in the rest of the 90s!). Michael Jackson had been everywhere when I was growing up. It was kind of inconceivable to me that my kids hadn't heard of him.  In my generation it was immpossible not to hear of MJ. As a friend of mine once said in the late 80's: "These days, you can go to the deepest fookin jungle of Africa, and you will find a kid with a Coke can in his hand, singing a Michael Jackson song".

But thinking about it: Why would my kids have heard of him?  Joe was born in the late 90's,  a few years after MJ's initial and precipitous fall from grace.  We never played his music in the house, because -although we had both admired his talent, we weren't fans. I guess I thought my kids would have heard some songs on the radio and TV, and maybe they have heard some, but looking back, I figure not many or often.

So I managed to answer the question by saying something like "Michael Jackson was a singer and dancer. He was very famous."  They were unconcerned at his passing.

I left out the part where Michael Jackson also a child predator and molester. Because although the nuns told me not to speak ill of the dead, they also told me to speak the truth, and I honestly believe that -although acquitted-  Michael Jackson was guilty of the crimes for which he was accused (more on this later).

On Friday morning,  The Today show made mention that Thriller had jumped to the top of the iTunes download list in  a matter of hours, Al Roker appeared surprised by this fact, maybe wondering who was downloading this album; who might be a fan but not have it already? The answer is simple: parents of teens and kids, who also grew up immersed in Michael Jackson's ...everything and were shocked to hear their children ask the same question that Joe asked me on Thursday night i.e.   "Who's Michael  Jackson?".  I think some parents had the same knee-jerk reaction that I did:  how could you not know? and then; with memories of dancing nieces / nephews, friends and neighbors blooming in their minds:  But you're a kid! You have to see MJ!  You will love him! So they downloaded Thriller and Off the Wall because they want their kids to hear and see how Michael Jackson was back when he was great.

...and he WAS great! 

It is an understandable reaction, because the guy was a huge talent, and a lot of what he did both with the Jackson 5 and as a solo act is worth hearing/seeing. But then after the initial knee-jerk reaction, I got to thinking:

Should I?

I'm not being funny. There is a genuine moral dilemma here; and for me, it probably runs deeper than for most people.   You see, when I was 8 ...9, 10, 11, 12 ...13 or so, I was the target of a child molester (yes it went on for years, until I grew boobs and an ass).  He never actually succeeded in raping me (because seduction, not rape was his aim ...*shudder*); but the memory still haunts.  A lot. A few years ago, I read the transcripts of the declaration that the kid -the initial MJ accuser back n 1993 made, and it made my blood run cold, because I saw...   I recognized therein the type of manipulations and behavior patterns in which child predators engage, and I knew that the accusations against Michael Jackson  were true.  A kid can't make up something like that.  I'm sorry.  I know some people will blast me for this, but I a speaking what I truly feel in my heart here, based on an experience that few can (or want to) claim...

And now Michael Jackson is dead and my children don't know who he is. I could introduce them to his music posthumously, knowing that my son would be in no potential danger anymore.  I could allow his memory to stand -to continue in our family-  based solely on his music and talent.

 But should I?

Is it morally wrong of me to promote someone who I feel was a child predator to my children?

I know that Michael Jackson's memory needs no help from me to live in the world at large. But I am not talking about the big picture here. Not Macro Michael Jackson's Memory. Instead I am talking about how/if/should his memory remain in the microcosm of our home and family. I know that any  money/goodwill from Chez Sickmother to Chez Jackson is a mere molecule in the ocean. It won't make a dent in the huge debt and red tape mountains that the three young Jacksons will likely inherit.  And some may say that even so; -to deny my children the pleasure and knowledge of Jackson's music and to deny that potential revenue stream to the Jackson heirs is to -quite literally- visit the sins of the father upon the children.  His children are the heirs to his estate and his memory and they did no wrong.

I know  I am overthinking this, but the question is simple enough, Do I encourage my children to like someone that I believe was a pedophile, or do I allow MJ's memory to die in this family?  I know my kids may discover him by themselves in time. But hopefully by then, they will be old enough to make their own moral determinations.

And I thought further about MJ's children and I decided that -sorry; but they are not my responsibility. My children are my responsibility and with that in mind, the TV and radio have been tuned to anything except the MJ coverage in their hearing. Food Network; Cartoon network... Anything!

Michael Jackson is dead -and for this family -while I have control, I am going to let his memory die too.

Rest in peace.

Consider The Source -Revisited

I wrote a fun post entitled "Consider the Source" before. But this time I want to talk about a more serious topic, which is becoming more important in the blogging world.  I probably should have entitled this piece "Consider the Motive" and it would have worked, but I like to go with my first instinct for a title.

Every now and again, I am approached by someone who wants to talk about a "great new product" or a "great new service"  Usually, when I pull back the covers and investigate a little (because I investigate everything), it will turn out to be a false person endorsing Syrotab or some other scam.

Even if it is a legitimate product or service; e-mail or posts of this nature, -which are essentially solicitations- leave me feeling a bit skeevy. I always wonder at the people who will try to drum up free advertising for their product over the blogosphere.  Especially if they are mining the Autism or disability community to do it.

I got an e-mail yesterday today from someone; -we'll call her "Tiffany"-  who "thought this new Autism website would be of interest to you and your readers" and then included a very professional press release about it.

A press release.  Noooo thankyouverymuch.  OSM does not advertise. So I ignored the e-mail.

Tiffany does not like to be ignored, apparently.

This morning, I get a e-mail from her asking me if I was going to write a post about the "great new website". I told her OSM does not advertise. I thought that was the end of it. But nooo. Tiffany is tenacious  "We are not hoping for an advertisement. I just know that you blog about Autism, and this new service may be of interest to your readers". 

Um. OK. What is that, then if it is not an advertisement? Apart from the 'getting paid' part, of course? Oh wait... It's an endorsement (but still without the 'getting paid' piece). Silly me! It could also be called a mention, a plug or just plain old PR.  It is basically a way to get the fledgling (wannabe) brandname out there to a targeted audience.

Well, as Tiffany the Tenacious wasn't leaving me alone; I got curious. Usually when I say no, people go away. But she kept coming back. I decided to check out the "great new Autism Website", thinking that maybe they were an new, eager non-profit agency running on a tight budget and that Tiffany was perhaps a zealous volunteer or an intern. The site is slick and professional. No telltale 501(c)(3) notice anywhere. They are a for-profit organization. And they want your credit card information. The "great new service" that Tiffany was so gung-ho about is not provided for free, or even on a sliding scale for the needy. It will cost the average Joe (SickMother) $100 per month.  And yet here they are: contacting this Sick Mother in the hope that she will give them free advertising, or maybe spend $100 per month of her disability check on their (untested, unstudied, unproven) "great new service".

Niiiiice

And Tiffany is not a volunteer. She works for a New York City Public Relations agency.

Let me spell it out: This for-profit "Autism" agency is paying a New York PR agency to drum up free endorsements from Autism bloggers.  And that is not the end of it. The data of which bloggers take the bait, and how they 'perform' will be then saved, analyzed, measured and matrixed; and maybe the list of 'high-performing' blogs/bloggers will be re-used and/or sold to other for-profit firms, who wish to break into the Autism vertical.  Because let's face it guys: As I myself have pointed out, Autism is a growing market.

I know I am cynical, but this is how it works, people.

I don't know how many other bloggers have been contact by "Tiffany" and her ilk, but I am sending a warning out there to anyone who has been contacted about a "great new Autism website" to consider the source. And the motive. You may choose to give them a plug if you think the product looks good, (and I don't blame anyone who does), but I personally have a hard time with PR people being paid to trawl  the Internet, looking for bloggers to exploit.

For all bloggers: Here is a one-minute guide on how to spot a professional who may be looking to exploit you:

• Including a press release is a dead giveaway
• So is follow-up: "I was just wondering if..."  or my favorite: "I just wanted to touch base..."
• If the company/site that they are trying to sell is an US company, check their site to see if it says anywhere that is is a 501(c)(3) corporation, which signifies a not-for-profit.  Most NFP corporations state so clearly.
• Check the domain name on the e-mail address of the sender (the part after the @). Go to whateveritis.com and research *that* company. You will know pretty quickly if that company is a marketing or PR agency. If it is, ...well, proceed at your own discretion (but don't say I didn't warn you!).

So there you are, Tiffany.  You got me to write a post in the end. It may not be exactly what you wanted, but all advertising is good advertising, right? 

Or maybe; -as King Midas found out, you should be careful what you wish for.

Oh!  and put me on your "do not call" list.

K? Thx

Buh-bye.

That Good Night

Remember my old cat that was sick in November?  If you don't, most of that story is here and here.

Well, last week, I had to have her put her to sleep (HA! what a misnomer!).

I had written a huge long post about it, but the Typepad gremlins ate it. It is too painful to re-write, so suffice to say this:

Dylan Thomas would have been proud of my little cat. She did not go gentle into that good night. That Good Night came and got her, leaving her staring, melted and lifeless on a furry-blankie covered vet's table, the last words she didn't hear probably still echoing in her little ears:

My voice: "it's OK".

No. It wasn't.

(why did I lie?)

Oh the Guilt...

English Is Dead. Long Live The Internet!

Like an alarmingly humongous number of other members of the human race, I have a Facebook account. Because I am home too much and on the computer too much, I spend too much time thereon. I have through this account, and through my blog and a few other Internet sites, "friended" many people from around the globe, who I would never have met otherwise. I can now boast friends in Egypt, Canada, Hong Kong, Japan, Brazil, Australia and the Philippines, as well as the US and the UK (and only one in Ireland, curiously enough).

My Global friends and I communicate through English, although some of my friends are more successful in this than others. Now I am not knocking anyone's attempts to communicate with a native speaker in a second or third (or fourth!) language. Not at all!  They do way better in English than I would in Arabic, Cantonese or Portuguese.  No. I don't think  global communication or sites like Facebook are responsible for the death of the English Language.

I think texting is responsible.

Honestly, the day I receive a text message from Himself that reads something like "R u going 2 da str 4 milk?"  I will leave him (he is probably texting now, with great hope in his little heart even as I type this!).  Bad enough to send something like that from a phone or (worse) blackberry, but to sit down in front of a full QWERTY keyboard and type something like that is just shameful.  But people do it! Gah!

And here is where I think Facebook comes in: Non-English speakers see the English speakers typing this shit and they think it is acceptable, so they do it too. And before you know it, English has deteriorated into a series of vowel-less utterances no more than three letters long.

Sorry folks, it's not acceptable. Not to me, anyway.

I isn't just the written word, either.  Spoken English is crucified on a regular basis. Some of this is funny and amusing. I like to adopt the American habit of adding "-assed" to my adjectives; like  "freaky-assed"  etc.  I find it amusing (and then I wonder why Joe is obsessed with cursing and foul language...  And no. I dont' do it in front of him. I just think he might share some of my predilections).

But some of the butchering is just uncalled for:  The phone rang on Friday, somebody needing to speak to Himself. I took a message:

"Tell him to call this number and ax for Stella"

"um... You want him to call the number and then hit Stella with a hatchet?"

"What?"

"Isn't that what "ax" means?  To hit with a hatchet?" (I ask in my best Irish accent)

"tell him to ask for Stella."

"Oh!      OK. I'll do that."  (Bitchy, bitchy, bitchy. I know...  But satisfying all the same. OSM 1, the rest of the world about 50 gazillion...

...a day.)

On a completely unrelated note: I am going to change the blog around a bit, because I am bored with it. I am thinking I will maybe put up a "best of OSM" section with some of my most Googled pieces for easier access.  Please let me know if you have any faves you would like me to add to that section. I know some of my own favorite posts, but I am probably not the best judge of my own work.  You can e-mail me (link on the top left of the page) if you don't want to comment.

or u cn fnd me on FB  :P

Setting Goals: The Reading List

I have always been a very driven, goal oriented person.  It is one of the reasons I did well in the software business for so long, I was able to strive toward a goal;  work to a deadline and pull many (sometimes unwilling) colleagues along with me, by sheer force of will (and occasional threats of violence).

But it is very difficult to set goals when you are chronically ill. Surprisingly (to me), even the small goals proved a challenge. 

I tried. I took some classes. I had to drop out of the PhotoShop class halfway through because I was having seizures or auras.  I stopped the yoga class because they were doing a lot of moves that are ill advised for a person with Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome and/or Syringomyelia. I kept having to bail on my neighbour for our dog-walking runs because of seizures and fatigue or pain. I was fired from Physical Therapy because I kept having seizures there. And I grew tired of missing goals I set for myself around the house (like repaint the upstairs bathroom, which is tiny); unable to perform them due to pain, fatigue, seizures or dizziness.

There are a lot of things I would like to do and learn. Ambitious (and currently impossible) projects like an MBA aside; there are many classes I would like to attend, just for laughs: Knife skills, sewing, ballroom dancing,  (an ambitious one, that), yoga, pilates, pottery, jewelry making, beading, painting -... the list is endless! But right now, I can't do it. I cannot spend money I don't have on a class I may not be able to attend.  It is very limiting. And soul destroying.

Recently, my seizures and dizziness have been even worse, leaving me even more bored and isolated. I have been spending less time on the computer because the screen bothers my eyes. I was stuck for something to do, because I CANNOT sit and watch telly for hours on end.  I knit until my hands hurt. I listened to all my CD a gazillion times, got bored with all of them, but was too poor or stingy to seek new music.  So I finally renewed my relationship with the public library. 

Cool.

And I decided that now is the perfect time; -while I am pretty disabled, and until I can get some decent treatment, to do something I had been meaning to do for many years. Read some classic novels.  Oh yeah baby!  Here is an opportunity to set some goals AND to improve my tiny little mind.  My butt may suffer, but it was suffering anyway. Without good medical guidance, there is no helping the butt right now.

I  decided to set myself a list of 26 classic novels to read, one for each letter of the alphabet. When I am finished that list I will assign myself another one. I was unsure where to begin, so I shouted out to my Facebook friends for some recommendations which they readily gave (thank you!).  And then I gathered a few "100 best..." lists off the Internet, went through those and -somewhat randomly- came up with my final list. I thought to keep it to one per letter of the alphabet where possible, because that would place some books on there that I probably would not have chosen otherwise -just to mix things up a bit. And it stops me from reading only books that start with "G" or "H", or from reading six books by the same author at once; both habits towards which I gravitate.  

There are some obvious holes in this list because I may have read the book already a gazillion times, (Wuthering Heights) or because I just couldn't be arsed (Ulysses).  I couldn't find any J, K, X and Q books, so I substituted those with  a few other letters.  I am sharing this list just to keep myself honest (but I reserve the right to stop reading a book if I hate it)!

A

Anna Kerenina by Leo Tolstoy

Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand

B

Blood Meridian by Cormac McCarthy

C

Cat's Cradle by Kurt Vonnegut

Crime and Punishment by Fyodor Dostoevsky

D
Dracula by Bram Stoker

E

Enders's Game  by Orson Scott Card

F

Frankenstein by Mary Shelly

G

Germinal by Emile Zola

The Grapes of Wrath by  John Steinbeck

H

A Handful of Dust Evelyn Waugh 
(Mrs whatsername with the hand-knit Fair Isle sweaters from high school will be happy that I finally crossed something off me High school reading list after all these years.  Although I didn't realize until today that Waugh wrote "Brideshead Revisited", which I had read  before high school, or I might have lost one less brownie point from her.)

The Heart of the Matter by Graham Greene

I

I , Claudius by  Robert Graves
(loved the TV series with Derek Jacoby!)

L

Loving by Henry Green

M

Madame Bovary by Gustave Flaubert

N

Nostromo by Joseph Conrad

O

One Flew over the Cuckoo's Nest by Ken Kesey

P

Play it As It Lays by Joan Didion

R

Ragtime by E.L. Doctorow

S

Shirley by  Charlotte Bronte

T

Tender is the Night by F. Scott Fitzgerald

U

Under the Volcano by Malcolm Lowry

V

V. by Thomas Pynchon

W

The Wide Sargasso Sea by Jean Rhys

Y

Yarrow by Charles de Lint

Z

Zuleika Dobson by Max Beerbohm

 

I have no idea how long this will take me, and I am setting myself no timeframes for completion of this task. The satisfaction should be in the journey, anyway. 

I hope.

Dying For A Climax

Everyone has heard the old joke:  Men have both a brain and a penis, but only enough blood to operate one of these at a time.

However not content with this, some men like to have their brain blood-flow further compromised by having a something -usually a scarf, wrapped around the neck by the partner and held tight almost to the point of passing out. It is said to enhance arousal and orgasm.  The practice is called erotic asphyxiation in technical terms. "Scarfing" is the colloquial term. 

Now I can't personally speak to scarfing; -except when confronted with a plate of cheesy fries at Boulder Creek. And in that context, it means something completely different. It was suggested to me as something to try after that Sean Connery movie with references to the subject came out (Rising Sun), but there was no way. It just seems to me that there is way too fine a line between ecstasy and injury/death in this scenario. Even with a partner.  And also frankly (and I am being VERY frank in this post!), the idea of it didn't appeal to me one jot. Sorry. Even this Sick Mother has a line she won't cross.

To attempt the practice of erotic asphyxiation while alone (known as auto-erotic asphyxiation) is utter folly, because there is no-one there to rescue you if you do actually pass out and your dead weight pulls the wrong way on the ligature (or there is no-one around to remove the plastic bag from your head).

David Carradine apparently knows that now -wherever he is.

You know, it breaks my heart to think of David Carradine dead in this fashion, in a wardrobe in Bankok with a rope around his neck and genitals.  It is such an ignominious end to a life. Any life. But particularly his. That story -the sensationalism of it, will be the thing about him that people remember now. Not his career, or what kind of person he was or what he stood for in life. But how he died, exposed in the worst possible way.   I really feel for his family.

Speaking of families: Another high-profile case of auto-erotic asphyxiation was the death of INXS singer Michael Hutchence, which was officially ruled a suicide. Paula Yates, who was Hutchence's partner and the mother of his baby daughter, Tiger Lily,  always disputed the suicide ruling and came right out and said what had caused his death. Then she went into a black depression and died of an accidental heroin overdose, was found by then four-year-old old Tiger ("Mummy won't wake up"). Then she; thus orphaned, ended up being raised by Yate's ex-husband, Bob Geldof. -Not to cast any aspersions on Geldof, but I wonder if Michael Hutchence had any inkling of the chain reaction his little need to get off in a hotel room that night would cause, would he maybe have forgone the belt and settled instead for some less exciting but much safer Oil of Olay? 

I think so too.

Of course, it is not just celebrities who die this way. They are the ones we hear about, but normal people are just as affected. It is hard to find good statistics, because many of the deaths my be ruled as suicide or misadventure out of respect for the families, but it is estimated that up to 1,000 people in the USA die each year from auto-erotic asphyxia.  That is a lot of families impacted by this. It was difficult for me to find any recent literature on the subject, but this paper had some good information.

I just want to say this to anyone who has happened upon this site while researching autoerotic asphyxiation in the hope of applying it to themselves: 

Think about what might happen if you die doing it. I mean really think about it. And don't think you won't die, because that's that they all think. But die they do. Michael Hutchence was a very handsome rock star, well traveled and I'm sure well educated in matters of erotica, who probably got more mileage out of his willy in a month than most people get in a year (or more!). But that didn't save him. 

Just think about how your mother might feel if she found you in a similar situation to the guy in the photos on rotten.com (not posting the link, sorry). I am not going to post or link the pictures here because they are very graphic photographs of a somewhat decomposed man in drag, who died with a plastic bag over his head and his willy out. Scroll down and look for the keyword Crossdressphyxia. 

His mom must be so proud.

As must Stephen Milligan's mum. He was a conservative (Tory) member of the British Parliament, who in (I think) 1994, was found dead on his kitchen table, wearing stockings and suspenders with a trash bag over his head, an electric cord around his neck and an orange in his mouth. My good friend AM has that list memorized. Regardless of whatever good that man may have done in his life, either as a journalist or a politician, the only thing anyone ever remembers about him is his manner of death. 

And when you think about it like that, auto-erotic asphyxiation is not exciting at all. Just sad.

Don't try it at home. Or in a hotel room.

Or anywhere.

Ever.

An Updatey Kind of Post

I guess you guys are due an an update on me and my situation.  When I start getting phone calls along the lines of "How are you?  What's going on with the diagnosis?", I know I am overdue a personal update. After all many of my readers are my good friends, who rely on this blog for the latest in my medical woes (it saves me repeating myself!)

• I finally got my medical records from the cardiologist. It only took about 5 weeks.
   
• I have been trying to get into the Dysautonomia lab in NYC for extensive dysautonomia testing, which my rheumy fully supports. This place is harder to get into than the Freemasons!  They already rejected my prescription from the Rheumy, saying they need more information on my symptoms -but not from me (who do they think experiences the symptoms, Barack Obama?). So I am off to see #25, so I can give him a list of my symptoms and history, which he can then re-package and send to the lab.  It is completely ludicrous.
   
• We had the Middle school IEP meeting for Joe (Middle school! Bloody hell! I'm not ready!). It went well, but it was a bit disconcerting to see the amount of backup I got when I asked for an aide for him. No fewer than FIVE (5) of the people who work closely with him nodded emphatically  and said he would need a full-time aide in middle school. I am grateful for the support (and of course we got the aide). But now I am kind of terrified of middle school. And Joe will hit the roof when he learns he will have a 1-one-1!  Too bad. He will definitely need it -at least for the first year. 
  
  He is going to be in a co-teaching class: A mixture of GenEd and SpecEd kids and two teachers. One SpecEd and one Gen Ed. I think this will be a good setup for him.
   
• Grace turned 9 in May.  She is halfway to (official) adulthood now. Mother of God! I'm not ready for this!
   
• Guys may want to skip this one: I have been feeling especially shitty of late. Seizurey, headachy, numb-footy, unsteady, interspersed with short periods of feeling like my pre-seizure self. I think a lot has to do with the fact that my cycle is completely messed up. I have been trying to get in to see a new gynecologist, recommended by the rheumy, who I trust.  However this new doctor is somewhere between the Freemasons and the NYC dysautonomia clinic on the scale of 'difficulty to get into" I have considered going back to my old gyno, but I have rejected this notion on grounds that she is a bitch.
   
• (Yes. I am a bitch too. I have never denied this)
   
• I stopped taking Limbrel.  This was kind of an unconscious decision. I forgot to take it for a day. When I remembered that I had forgot, I realized that I was feeling marginally less bloaty, so I went right on forgetting! After a(nother) day or so, the severe right-side abdominal pain I had had for a month, which I had thought was an ovary, started to abate.  It has not recurred.   The rheumy says it was the right decision. Another med bites the dust!
   
• My hands are slightly better, but I think this is because the weather has been warmer.
• My good friend Wynda, who left this area about 10 years ago, returned for a visit and it was lovely to see her. She was amazed (naturally) at how big and interesting the kids have become. When last she saw them, there was only one, and he was just an eating and pooing machine back then (albeit a cute one!).
   
• I have not lost the 10 pounds I gained while on Limbrel.  I went back on Atkins for about a week, but ...Man!  -steak aside  (and I love steak, but it is expensive); it is so bloody BORING! I don't know how I did it for so long...

I'm sure there is more, but that should be enough to be getting along with. 

Oslo Health Solutions: Preying On The Sick Part III

I'm kind of sick talking about these people by now, to be honest with you. I have devoted hours and hours of rather nauseating research to Oslo Health Solutions and their claims. There are many, many more hours of work that could be done; -just on the Internet alone, before one starts on private and other channels, but I don't have the resources for it, financially,  physically or spiritually.

But there are two areas I do want to explore:  How people like this might think, because it seems to me,  their thought processes are very different than us trusting honest normal people. Maybe getting into their brains a little will help us to beware of others of their ilk.

And I also want to let you know how you can fight back; against people like this in general and against Oslo Health Solutions (OHS) in particular.  Because let's face it: Oslo Health Solutions run a pretty despicable operation and they need to be stopped.  Now.

So how do they think they can get away with it?  I have thought about this and I think I figured out a few um ....principles for Internet fraud.

1. Lie Big:
   It is a concept con-men have down cold, but one that most decent people can't get their heads around:  If you are going to lie to people: Lie big. Don't bend or massage the truth.  People are expecting that. Most normal people lie small, They exaggerate or use words like "almost" or "virtual".  But the truth is usually somewhere underneath. People expect this and watch out for exaggerations and small lies. People generally don't expect a lie to be totally bald-faced and to have no relation to the truth. Therefore we see the grandiose claims OHS make and we expect there is some truth to them. This is why OHS were so smart in their pitch. They understood this and therefore they sold so high, but delivered so low, they seem to have flown right underneath most radars.  
    
2. Divide and Conquer: 
   People with specific illnesses don't generally go looking for herbal treatments for other illnesses, so if one product was exposed as a fraud, then it is just that one out of ...what?  ...about 60 now that I have found?... I figure OHS simply dump the product that was exposed, find a new disease, re-brand the website and labels as "new disease-Tab" and then carry on selling the exact same product to a different market.
   
   I guess OHS didn't expect anyone to search on more than one or two of the diseases they cover. The must have figured that chances that someone would work out that they are selling  the same list of ingredients as  a completely guaranteed and clinically proven herbal treatment for up to nineteen (19) different conditions, from teething troubles to Multiple System Atrophy (MSA), which is generally fatal within two years of diagnosis (Elizabeth at Screw Bronze! has MSA. Read her blog if you want some graphic descriptions of what it does to one .... and   -Quick! give her some shallots and Red Earth!  That'll be bound to cure her...)
   
   
3. Avoid well-organized groups:
   There is No MS-Tab, no Breast Cancer-Tab, no Autism or Aspie-Tab, no Alzheimer's-Tab and I think there is a very good reason for this. It is probably the same reason Cardio-tab no longer exists:  These conditions are highly public and have well-populated organizations and lots of support groups surrounding them, the jig would be up pretty quickly with most of these conditions. -I was actually surprised to find MD-tab, Leukotab and Parkotab, as they are also quite well organized too.  
    
4. Use the Global Market to confuse your  umm... "customers":
   If you set up shop based out of a small, little understood country in Scandinavia, then ship your product from Pakistan, most normal sick people won't be able to figure out how to take action against you from halfway around the world... 
   
   But keep reading.  I have found a fair bit of information on this.

I have two imaginary scenarios for who could be behind Oslo Health Solutions:  In the first one, it is a couple of teenagers, now young men, who started it as little more than a lark out of someone's bedroom, not fully comprehending the real lives that could be effected behind the illness they researched on-line to create new markets for a Pakistani Hemorrhoid preparation.

It the other scenario, it was started very deliberately by adults who have no regard for others, knew exactly what they were doing and are in this game to make money, not caring at all who gets hurt in the process.

Regardless, it is wrong.

Several people asked me, both in comments and through other channels, if we could inform the FDA about this. I don't think the FDA has any interest, as natural remedies and herbal supplements are not very regulated here in the US. However, they might be interested to investigate if they thought Americans were being sold Strychnine as a supposed cure for Parkinson's disease.   I will look into this.

However, FDA aside (for now), the Norwegian government DOES regulate (and tax!) natural remedies. It falls under the jurisdiction of the Norwegian Medicines Agency, and they have an English version of their website, and of their contacts page (how cool is that?), complete with e-mail addresses, so you can send the links directly. I love Scandinavian efficiency!

Now, I suspect that Oslo Health Solutions are trying to get around some of the European laws and regulations governing sales of herbal remedies as well as false advertising laws by manufacturing and shipping their product from Pakistan. 

However, Pakistan now has the Electronic Transaction Ordinance (2002) which protect consumers in electronic commercial transactions, such as buying poison from Pakistan. More interestingly, there is the 2007 Electronic Crime Ordinance which has this interesting clause, potentially punishable by death:

17. Cyber terrorism. -

a. Any person, group or organization who, with terroristic intent utilizes, accesses or causes to be accessed a computer or computer network or electronic system or electronic device or by any available means, and thereby knowingly engages in or attempts to engage in a terroristic act commits the offence of cyber terrorism.

Explanation1: For the purposes of this section the expression “terroristic intent” means to act with the purpose to alarm, frighten, disrupt, harm, damage, or carry out an act of violence against any segment of the population, the Government or entity associated therewith...."

Do you think that selling Strychnine to Parkinson's patients over the Internet could be interpreted as "Intent to harm, damage or carry an act of violence against a segment of the population..." (what we in America would call a hate crime)?  I think it could be.  

Interesting stuff, eh? 

Now: Of the sites I investigated (and I have to admit that a few, such as Inisitab, and Abdotab were late additions to the party) the vast majority claimed to be run our of Norway, from this address:

Oslo Health Solutions

Oslo Health Solutions
Suite 329
Youngstorget
NO-0028 Olso
Norway

There are a few exceptions, Some had no address whatsoever, but when you click on the "order now" , button, it comes up as Oslo Health Solutions. These included Raynotab, Guillatab, Clearotab,

...and a few products seemed to be run out of the UK, from corporations (...or are they? "Inc" is not a UK corporation suffix  "Ltd" or "plc" are the norm over there.  ...Hmmmm.)  supposedly operating over there.  Note the addresses are all exactly the same.

Vertigo Tab Inc
Suite 10 & 11
Siddeley House
50 Canbury Park Road
Kingston Upon Thames
Surrey - KT2 6LX
UK

Anemia Tab Inc
Suite 10 & 11
Siddeley House
50 Canbury Park Road
Kingston Upon Thames
Surrey - KT2 6LX
UK

Psoriasis Tab Inc
Suite 10 & 11
Siddeley House
50 Canbury Park Road
Kingston Upon Thames
Surrey - KT2 6LX
UK

Vitiligo Tab was the one which had buried its tracks particularly well. No address, no telltale "Oslo Health Solutions" banner on the order form. The Web site was registered to a "Charls Dickens" (sic)  of

Berkeley Square House,
W1J 6BD
London,  W1J 6BD
United Kingdom

In the UK, companies making false claims over the Internet are regulated by  The Trading Standards Institute.  Vitigilo tab is claiming that "Vitiligo Tab is our 100% guaranteed and clinically proven permanent cure for Vitiligo" (my emphasis). Psoriasis Tab and Vertigo Tab also claim a "100% cure", whereas Anemia Tab claims a "completely guaranteed and clinically proven herbal treatment for Anemia".  Are these false claims?  I dunno, but I think they should be investigated by the appropriate parties.

So what you do is this: You go to their site and enter the postcode

for the guys against whom you wish to complain, which is KT2 6LX  or W1J 6BD (for Charls Dickens) and you follow the instructions from there.

Little people can fight back, you know. We just need to get the right muscle on our side.