Fat and Happy?

I have a childhood memory of someone -probably an aunt, telling people "I'm fat, but I'm happy".  It is an expression that stuck with me, because it seems so contrary to all of the perceptions and indeed, most of the published data on obesity.

But my aunt's words have been resonating in my brain a lot recently, because:

1. I have gained weight. 
2. I have been feeling better; having fewer seizures and other neuro symptoms.  Therefore, I have been "happier". 

Now, the above two facts may not be related. They could be completely coincidental.  However, I don't think they are. I have written numerous times that I KNOW my fits are related to food and eating. I was wondering if maybe when my body is in "fat storing" mode, rather than "fat burning" mode; if there is something; -some chemical reaction, which does or does not occur that might trigger a seizure event?

It is an interesting question.

Unfortunately, I am not sure how to answer it:  How does one test for that stuff? To whom would I turn?  I am stuck in the old space, where I will ask an endocrinologist, only to be told to see  neurologist, and if I ask the neurologist, he will tell me to see an endocrinologist.

And there is the other dilemma.  Unlike my aunt, who may or may not have been lying: I am NOT happy to be fat. I am the heaviest I have been since pregnant with my second child, and I hate it.  But the fear is there: if I go back to low carb: -the only way I can successfully reduce and maintain my weight: will the fits return in earnest? 

Actually, scratch that. I know they WILL return. There is not  shadow of doubt in my mind. It will just be a question of when will they return?  And then what?

Dilemmas, dilemmas. 

*sigh*

They never end.

Comments

[elizabeth]

Thank you for writing this, I am having a similar experience. Now that I am on synthroid - my hypo-thyroidism, which should have made me fat, made me thin, and now I am getting fat, or fat to me (since I have body dysmorphia). So not happy, but also maybe less seizures, I can't tell, less grand mals I think. I like you call them 'fits' as it sounds very Edwardian and Edward Gorey and maybe I should tell me I have melancholy and fits with reoccurring bouts of the vapors (Was that fatigue, maybe Fibro, or just extreme fatigue of unknown causes).

I am sorry about the fear. I take it extreme exercise is about as unlikely to you as it is to me. I don't know, last night in the middle of the night Linda had to stop me doing sit ups as I was going to do 200 sits ups a day. So I am afraid you can count me out of the 'mentally well balanced viewpoint" who could give suggestions. But I get where you are coming from.

[yanub]

Fat is unimportant. If your health is overall better, it doesn't matter how much you weigh. Besides, if you are feeling better, you will move around more, and develop better muscle tone. And muscle weighs more than fat, so maybe you haven't gained as much fat as you fear you have.

[One Sick Mother]

Elizabeth,
You NEED some meat on you, woman. And less seizures are a Very Good Thing. I have to say, I am loving the less seizures aspect of it all.

Extreme exercise? I'm allergic. I break out in Apathy. Yes, there is always that concern that I will wind up in the ER, but the Apathy usually gets me first (along with the fatigue, unwellness and um ...more seizures)

Yanub.
I know you are right. And I keep telling myself that I need to get well first, thin second. However, there is a dilemma here. If I am feeling better; -fewer symptoms, It is harder to actually GET help, as I go down the priority list. However, I know my condition (whatever it is) is not diagnosed or properly treated, I have just figured out a way to (mis)manage it. Sometimes. And sometimes it just sneaks up on me, like in the vet's office.

Maybe in order to get help, I need to go back to eating the way I KNOW will make me worse?

Its some dilemma, what?

OSM

[Lisa Moon]

I was going to mention what Elizabeth did, having hypo-thyroidism myself. Apparently it was 'very unlikely' in someone my age (about 23 at the time it began or at least showed up as large weight gain and depression) but when I was finally tested it was super-low.

It's a simple blood test (unless blood tests are not simple for you) and can affect SO many systems in your body; it's called the great imitator because it has so many symptoms which could be so many other things...

If you go to get tested, message me about making sure the results are within the newer standards of measuring as apparently not all docs/clinics are using the 'new' ones - which are really not that new anymore and are, in fact, standards outlined by the American Endocrinological Assn.
(I have an awesome book about it, too. Could check for at your local library: Living Well with Hypo-thryroidism by Mary Shomon. It might well provide some insight into your other symptoms, even? I found it super-helpful, not just for thyroid. FYI. :)

That's neat that you're teaching Grace to cook - Julia Child-style or something! Mmm, risotto. :P Interesting first choice. I started with rice for my son - just plain ol' brown and basmati. He LOVED that and made it all the time, lol. Tried to eat plates full as a meal alone! Silly boy. Then started with soup theory as I call it - making a vegetable base then going from there since soups are so forgiving, once you get an idea about amounts of flavouring ingredients, etc. (he had trouble putting enough things in with all the water to make a large pot, so things came out pretty watered down at first). Now, I've purchased an awesome slow cooker which he only used once or twice before it got too hot. With a few cooler days lately, I'm looking forward to having some yummy soups/stews soon!
Good luck with your culinary teaching adventures!

[The Goldfish]

I tried to post this before but it must have got gobbled by the internet gremlins!

I was saying that in my experience, such dilemmas are much easier dealt with in the short term. I rarely decide how I'm going to tackle something health-related from here on in, but I frequently weight things up and say “This is how I'm handling it for the next three months, then we'll see how things are.” I also experiment a lot. Always gently, but experimentation brings us knowledge and knowledge is power – as you know all too well!

Being a bit chubby is fairly low on the list of uncomfortable and distressing things that can happen to one's body, but there may be experiments you could perform. A low carb diet is an unbalanced one – it doesn't necessarily cause any problems, but if you have any issue with blood sugar levels, the absence of complex carbohydrates could mess things up. At the same time, even though that's what you've found easiest in the past, you know that weightloss = output – input. If the low carb diet is an issue, you should still be able to lose weight (if perhaps more slowly) by eating smaller portions of what you eat not. If less padding is a problem, then you would learn this by losing weight.

But if you did perform any such experiments, it would be absolutely essential to (a) diarise your health, keep extensive notes on your activities and symptoms and (b) stick to pre-decided boundaries about what level of symptoms would be unacceptable. And I am sure this is worth taking to the doctor – your hypothesis may trigger a brain wave that none of them have had yet.

I know how it feels. I have no doubts that some people are fat and happy, and I would not despair if I knew I had to be overweight for the rest of my life. But it would be jolly nice to have more options...

[Crystal]

I'm fat and unhappy, but I'd gladly be fat and happy if I had a better mind-set. Maybe later. :)

Just found your blog. Can't wait to read more. :)

[Jakey]

Happiness. Wow. Keep it.

You can't buy Happiness, but you can buy Liposuction ~ but I'm not promoting the latter:)

I believe in an eclectic approach to physical and mental health. Keeping a Journal and experimenting, as suggested by The Goldfish, is a good idea.

Regarding low mood, I'm reading:- Dorothy Rowe DEPRESSION The Way Out of Your Prison, it's an amazing book.

Finally, the British NHS is great!

[Carleen]

You know, I came into this world weighing 9 pounds 12.5 ounces in 1959 when the average weight of a baby was 5 pounds, and I have been fat since then. Like most people who struggle with their weight, I have been dancing to that old song by the Osmonds, "Yo-Yo," all of my life. I wish that I could say I gain weight because I eat too much of all the wrong things -- that, at least, would make it seem so much more "deserved," but such is not the case. I don't eat until my stomach growls to signal hunger and eat only enough to take the edge off. Unfortunately for me, that means I am in perpetual starvation mode: everything I eat is stored as fat for that rainy day when the food will stop coming altogether.

I've tried eating more frequently; I've tried grazing throughout the day; I've tried eating 3 squares with the middle meal being the heaviest one. In short, you name it and if it isn't bariatric (sp?) surgery, I've been there multiple times and own more than just the t-shirt.

In the final analysis, I may not be happy about my body image; I can, however, live comfortably with it. Society may want to define me by my weight, but the strength of my personality and character won't let all of society win all of the time. And I can live with that.