Some More Silliness

I have been struggling with a very serious post for two days, and it is not happening for me. So I thought I would break up the heaviness -as I do, with some silly gadgets, courtesy of Google and the Internet.

I have no idea what Nissan plans to do with the eporo range of robots (cars?) but they are DAMN cute!

 

They have a bunch of technology to make them move together in a group without crashing, like a school of fish (but I somehow doubt they can do that all-change-direction-at-once-when-the-current-changes thing that fish do). Here is a link to some video of a demo.

For the paranoid -um.. security conscious, there is this security table, which doubles as a bat and shield.

 

No really. Somebody is seriously selling this. If the the sound of your alarm clock, glass of water, book, pills, tissues, remote control and moisturizing lotion hitting the floor in a hurry doesn't scare off the burgler, I guess you are supposed to go down and bean him with the bat. At least I think that's the point.

The other application of course, if if your lover is getting too amorous and you just want to sleep. (*Thonk* "NOW who has a headache, sweetie?")

For the fidgety, there are these keychain substitute bubble wrap poppers. They make a "pop" noise when you press the buttons, which some random other noises scattered in for fun.

 

Grace actually has one of these and she loves it. I hide it from her, because you really have to press those little buttons, and I am afraid she will dislocate her thumbs (It REALLY hurts to dislocate them backwards).

Another dumbass ...thing -I guess it's a utensil that Grace loves, is the banana slicer.

 
 

It works OK, and is safe for a kid to use, but it is a bitch to clean properly.

Call me a geek, but I think this solar-powered, clip-on-fan is kind of a cool idea.

 

I'm guessing it will fan you in the sun, than stop whirring when you go indoors.

This next one has to be one of the weirdest things I have ever heard of: It claims to be a spray-on condom for female use

 

...with the catchy name: Nanometer-silver Cryptomorphic Condom.

You know, If anyone suggested that I make use of that spraycan, I would make good use of me security table instead.

For the apartment dweller or pet-allergic, there is "Gupi", an animatronic guinea pig, who wanders around, makes guinea pig noises, responds to affection and interacts with other Gupis, if you happen to have any

Grace has a real guinea pig, and I have to tell you: Had I known the pounds and mounds of poo those little feckers generate, I would have put my foot down very hard and said no. I completely understand now, why my friend offered her daughter a dog instead of a GP. It's because a 15lb dog probably generates less poo than a 2lb guinea pig.

And is way more interactive.  If Nibbles should ever have an accident, I will probably replace it with a Gupi.

Speaking of which: Why do people always tell their kids that a pet has "run away" when it dies?  My parents never did that to me. We had lots of pets, and several of them died, most memorably our big black cat, who was run over on the main road by our house.  Our pets never "ran away".  They died or they were (really) given to other homes.  Yet my schoolfriends' pets "ran away" all the time. I used to think my friends must be really mean to their pets.

However, when Mary Merrigan's fish ran away in first grade, I began to smell a rat. Because you see, he didn't bring his bowl with him  (little detective that I was; I asked), and I didn't see how he could run away without his bowl. Of course, I wasn't that smart. Had he taken the bowl, I wouldn't have thought twice about the matter!

Now if Goldie had a fish bowl like this, it wouldn't have been a problem at all. He could have just paid any kid to carry him to a better home (not that Mary Merrigan was mean. She was a sweetie), and that would be the end of it.

There are some truly gruesome gadgets out there for your pet.  This portable loo that you strap to a dog; -while I appreciate the potential benefits, looks so...

 

...undignified.

I never thought there was a way to make a pooing dog look MORE undignified, but there you go: Photographic evidence that it is possible.

Speaking of poo (which I just realized I have been doing through the vast majority of this post): I have a friend who is addicted to Sudoko. I have found the perfect gift for her.

Sudoko toilet paper. Best of all, she doesn't even have a cat to shred it all to pieces! 

Yes, it's amazing what you can find online when you are bored and curious.

I wish I had found this before Elizabeth went off to Hawaii. I could so totally see her powering along in this chair (I wonder if you can hire one?).

 
It might need a few adjustments, as transfers would be interesting as things stand,  (maybe it lowers for transfers?). But still, it seems the perfect thing for her to use while perusing the jungle, beaches and volcanoes, no? The tourists would part like the Red Sea, too.

And finally, I found some rather  um.. interesting jackets

This one is quite cool, actually. It is heated by solar power, I particular like that it pays attention to the boobage area, because we all know we don't like The Girls to get cold.

 
It has a battery, too so it doesn't only heat you in the sunshine.

This is a slightly wackier way to keep warm, possibly designed for the insecure.

 
I would advise that woman never to go into a preschool or daycare center wearing that. I imagine the kid would have something to say about it -and probably something negative.

And for the woman / crossdresser who needs personal protection cleverly disguised as a lipstick, there are these stun guns, which deliver 350,000 volts.

 

You can also get lipstick pepper spray, which looks pretty much the same, except ...sprayier.

The big trick however, is to know the difference between these products and your REAL lipstick in a dimly-lit nightclub bathroom

(try explaining that to the management)

Comments

[Roanmom]

Fuck, look at all those poor teddies that were sacrificed...someone call Peta to chuck red paint on her;)

[fridawrites]

"Uh wait a minute, attacker, while I rummage for a few minutes in my purse for my lipstick and uncap it." My husband uncapped a lipstick when he was doing roadside cleanup with Scouts (a service project)--it was a small vibrator!

My pets died, too. My husband's parakeet 'flew away'--i.e., got eaten by their vicious Lhasa Apso when the parakeet opened her cage one last time.

Very funny, thank you. I want one of those keychains.

[Stephen Deal]

I thought my new wheelchair was cool. Now I want that one.

[One Sick Mother]

Roanmom,
Thinking about it, I wonder if that is kind-of the point. If it takes that many teddies to make a jacket, how many real animals does it take to make a real fur jacket? I will have to look it up again. I just grabbed the image without looking at the backstory.

Frida,

Lol yes. "attacker, I want to look my best for this".

We got our keychain in the toy section of Target, BTW.

Stephen,
Yes. I could just see you going to the chippie in that baby. "extra vinegar, please ...or else"

..and you will need lots more tins of beans.

OSM

[One Sick Mother]

Roanmom,

checked out the jacket. It is nothing so clever. Just an attention-getter from some pretentious Ortist called Sebastian Errazuriz

http://www.meetsebastian.com/english/

Pity.

OSM

[Roanmom]

Real pity; it would make a phenom ad campaign.