Smell

Grace has been having trouble falling asleep recently.  She becomes scared of monsters and unnamed threats when left alone in her room. No amount of reassurances will allay her fears. She needs a different comfort. I have been lying with her to help her fall asleep, but this means either I fall asleep too, and wake up cold with a sore neck/back, or I lie there bored out of my mind, thinking of all the other stuff I could be doing. 

Even though I spend most of my weekdays alone, I like my time after the kids go to bed. I use it to watch some shows I have recorded, to knit, and to view any "Not Suitable for Work" (NSFW) material that might have been sent to my inbox. I have learned the hard way that NSFW means "Not suitable for Children".  I get twitchy when I miss my evening time.

The other option is to put Grace in the big bed, where I can at least spread out and/or read while I am staying with her. But Himself and I never sleep as well when Little Miss Pointy Elbows is in the bed.  

So last night, Grace -who always used to snuggle down happily in her own bed, was crying and apologizing that she was scared. I reassured her and told her there was no need to be sorry. Her fear -no matter how irrational- is real, and I although I do ask her to make an honest effort to self-comfort, if she can't do it the first time, I will stay with her.  But last night I had a TON of stuff to do and Grace was in my bed, not wanting to be left alone. "Can't you bring your work up here?" she asked. "I can't wash the dishes up here".  She laughed at that thought.

Then I had an idea. I took off the shirt I had been wearing, turned it inside-out and handed it to Grace.

"What does this smell like?"

She gave it a cautious sniff, then inhaled deeply.  "It smells like you!"  She cottoned on immediately and snuggled down with the shirt.

"I feel like you are holding me"  (I was sitting on the edge of the bed, not touching her.)

"Do you want to try staying alone for five minutes, and I will come and check on you?"

She was already visibly relaxing into the bed. She nodded.

I checked on her five minutes later. She was fast asleep.

WIN!

When I went to bed a couple of hours later, she was still cuddling the shirt.

They say that the sense of smell has the most connections to the emotions and to past associations. I guess that is true.

Tomorrow night, I am going to try her with the the shirt in her bed.

Comments

[fridawrites]

You are a good mother not to make her face those fears alone or without help. My son slept in my bed until he was 5 (he started the night in his). They do have pointy elbows!

[One Sick Mother]

Frida,

I very well remember lying awake and afraid in my drafty bedroom when I was a child, and I have no wish to inflict that experience on my kids -even if their bedrooms are not drafty.

Funny thing though: I switched her bedtime reading material from Narnia to something less intense and she stayed in her room no problem.

Sometimes the obvious solution is the correct one. ;)

[yanub]

Narnia? I would never have thought it intense. Goes to show how different people are, doesn't it? You were clever to have figured out that was the problem.

And smart thinking on the shirt! I wish I had thought of that back when my daughter was a child.

[One Sick Mother]

Yanub,

I think a lot depends on the person. Grace is very sensitive. She refused to go see the movie "Up" because she heard someone dies in it, and she is always distraught when people (even cartoon ones) die in movies. And the Narnia series is full of evil Queens and witches (actually, I just realized that there is no nice adult woman in the whole series. CS Lewis was clearly very messed up in this regard)

I used to do that trick with the shirt when she was very little (read it in a baby book). I didn't think it would work so well now that she is 9, but I figured it was worth a try.

[Virginia Bennett]

Hi OSM, it's me, Virginia. The "shirt thing" we do with dogs who are anxious about being left alone. We went for a week long trip and left dogs in the kennel and made sure they had our "smells' by way of fabrics with them. This is something also quite common for dog handlers to do, you can also put a ticking clock (resembles a mom's heartbeat) next to the bed (or with a puppy, put it in the bed box)...and also do a warm water bottle thing. This is the first I'd heard of a momma doing this with a child, tho I'd heard of widows sleeping with a departed husband's shirt before. What a good good momma you are!!

When I was little, I was scared by Tinkerbell at the introduction to Walt Disney show, where she flies from the back of the castle toward the screen. I had to hide in another room until that part was over.

I agree about no evil queens and witches and such for kids!! My son was sensitive and much of Shel Silverstein was something I skipped over and would not read to him. I never allowed horror movies of any kind, and I feel because of this, we had a child who would play outside in the dark all alone all the time growing up (we were out on a ranch)...he was never afraid of the dark.

gotta go rest.
love you, girlfriend!
V.

[Heather]

So nice to hear that others have children who are sensitive to "mildly" scary books and movies. We have this issue at our house and handle it in much the same way that you do--staying in the room or moving the child to the big bed. I get tired of sleeping on a sliver of bed. I will have to try the shirt trick and see if it works for us.

[fridawrites]

Oh, yeah, Narnia terrified me when I was small. I was also awake and afraid a lot when I was young.

[fridawrites]

The death in UP is at the very beginning, so you could fast forward through it.

[One Sick Mother]

Virginia,

Good to hear from you! I didn't know all that about the dogs and horses.

I have been following your log with interest. I owe you an email.

Heather,
I hope it works for you, too because you are right, that sliver of bed is uncomfortable.

Frida,
Yeah I can do that now that is is out on DVD, but she wouldn't see it in the movies. It did mean that Joe and I got to go to the movies together, which is rare and very nice.