One Sick Mother

I'm Still Waiting

I went to see doctor #30 in September and I didn't hear back in over a month. I was seriously starting to wonder what was going on with this guy. It turns out the doctor got sick, needed surgery and was out for a few weeks. He assured me he is All Better Now.  I'm happy for him. However in the meantime, I am nowhere near better and thoroughly sick of feeling horrible all the time.  I suppose there isn't much you can do if your very highly specialized doctor is sick, except wait until he is better and hope he doesn't die.

So in case you haven't guessed, we finally spoke last week. None of my labs were surprising, according to #30. My Epstein Barr titers are still very high, as are markers for Parvovirus.  He didn't test me for the new CFS virus that everyone has been talking about recently. Nor did he test me for porphyria, which he had specifically said he would do.  I had that abnormal result months ago and no-one is willing to follow up on it.

*sigh*

So #30 seems convinced I have CFS. He said he is getting together with a expert on MR Spectroscopy  on Monday -today actually, to talk about new imaging techniques for the brains of people like me.  I am to call him tomorrow and talk about ...something.  I'm not sure what. I go the impression that they were thinking of putting together a study, but I'm not sure. I'm in two minds about a study.  The last one in which I participated ended up with me getting unnecessary and experimental surgery and being charged for it.

But it also looks like this imaging; -although definitely interesting-  is considered experimental (but non-invasive) and therefore not covered by insurance.

And I'm poor.

AND there is still the whole having-to-trek-into-the-city-three-times-per-week thing which has not been resolved.

Maybe we'll get it all sorted out tomorrow. 

But I'm not holding my breath.

Stay tuned.

An Open Letter to Martin J. Wygod, Head of WebMD

Dear Mr. Wygod.

Sorry to take you away from your racehorses, but I tried to go through normal WebMD channels and my e-mails have remained unanswered.  Then I tried to find the CEO of WebMD, but there is none. Nor is there a head of advertising or public relations. Therefore I went to the holding company, HLTH Inc, and I could find no-one there who seemed to have a descriptive title ("member of the board of directors" doesn't really cover it). And so I decided in desperation, to address this to you. You are after all, the acting CEO and Chairman of the Board of Directors, so the buck stops with you.

It's a straightforward question:

Why does WebMD allow filthy scammers to advertise on the site?

What do you mean you don't and it's against your advertising policy?   You DO and  -maybe you don't know this, because maybe it happened in the lower management echelons, but your advertising policy is specifically designed to allow it to happen.  There is a humungous loop hole built right in. So I know HOW you have filthy scammers advertising on WebMD  (and I will explain how later for the benefit my other readers who may not have noticed).  But please, Mr Wygood,  tell me WHY it happens?  Do you need the money so badly?  Does WebMD get so much money from Yahoo for each "click" a scammer receives through this loophole in policy, that the company would fold without it?

Do you make so much money from supporting scammers that you are willing to risk the reputation of WebMD? Because -trust me, that is what you are doing.  All those editors and reviewers. All the medical boards and MDs and other people who work so hard to put out good and accurate content are made to look like idiots because the first link in a search will go to a scam site selling "miracle cures" for serious and fatal illnesses such as Multiple Systems Atrophy.  All in total violation of your very excellent advertising policy,  which prohibits such practices and which has as a closing statement, the following line

No Advertising will be allowed on the WebMD Network that could injure the good name or reputation of WebMD or the WebMD Site.

Um. You have this, this, this, this and this company directly advertising on WebMD, tucked right in there under the logo so that lovely sentiment is a FAIL.

You see,  There is a little paragraph higher up in the advertising policy that reads like this (excerpt)

"...As described in the "Ads by Yahoo" hyper link in the Ads by Yahoo section on our Search pages, these "Ads by Yahoo" are listings that have been purchased by companies that want to have links to their sites appear adjacent to search results in response to specific terms. WebMD may receive payment from Yahoo in connection with displaying the sponsored link results..."

Sooo. "Ads by Yahoo" is a separate deal, not covered by the advertising policy that prohibits miracle cures or false claims and a bunch of other stuff the scammers do.  

Here is the "Ads By Yahoo" policy... -actually it's more of a disclaimer:

"Ads by Yahoo!" are paid advertisements. These advertisements have been purchased by companies that want to have links to their sites appear in WebMD’s search results when you search on specific words or phrases on WebMD. These advertisements are administered, sorted, and maintained by Yahoo! and are displayed on the WebMD site. WebMD may receive payment from Yahoo! when you click on any of these advertisement links. The advertisements have not been reviewed for accuracy, objectivity, or balance by the physicians or editorial staff at WebMD and are not endorsed by either WebMD or Yahoo!

So in theory, I could pay to advertise kiddie porn on WebMD (not that I would) using "Ads By Yahoo", and neither WebMD  nor Yahoo would do a darn thing.  -OK maybe Kiddie porn is taking it too far because that is overtly, rather than covertly illegal. But I could claim a bogus herbal remedy for ...say Motor Neuron Disease (hello, ALS) that gives "results within Days" and that would be allowed.  You think not? Well, here is Exhibit A:

   

 The three circled sites are all scams.

The bottom one; that 'results within days' one that I mentioned?  Well, that particular advertisement is from Healing Plants Ltd, a scam operation that was outed before here on OSM.  Healing Plants have both direct and indirect advertisements on WebMD. The direct version is seen as an example above (they have around 60 bogus products for different diseases, and yes. Several more of them are on WebMD). The indirect ones are in the form of bogus comparison sites that point people to Healing Plants or to two or three other -even worse- "'guaranteed treatments";  some of which contain strychnine, mercury, arsenic or ground-up hairballs.

...all available a few short clicks away from WebMD.  Are you proud to see your life's work exploited so?

Another thing I have found -a little flaw in your site design, is that "Ads by Yahoo!" has a smarter matching engine than you. So if you mistype something, you get no WebMD results, but their ads are all there, nicely listed. Most people will probably just click on the nearest ad, cutting out WebMD altogether.

 
(As you can see here: four out of the six "Ads by Yahoo!" results are scams. Man-problems are very popular with the scammers)

Mr. Wygod, I have demonstrated using  your own text and screenshots that WebMD supports scammers and is paid to do so.  I have to ask you out straight:  Is this policy deliberate or an oversight?  I can't help but think it is deliberate, as the policy was so carefully structured to protect the Yahoo stream; -which is the one on which all the scammers enter WebMD- from your rigid advertising policy. And yet there they are, plain as day, looking for all the world to the casual observer (which most are) as if they are legitimate and endorsed by you.

Now I have to ask, did you know about this policy?  I can't believe you did. I can't believe you would allow that to happen. Not because I think you are so wonderful or anything -I don't know you at all (except for what I have read here), but because I think you are a good businessman, and a policy like that on a site like WebMD is simply bad business. It is undermining the entire brand for a series of "clicks" which are probably worth a fraction of a penny apiece.  And I know WebMD doesn't get most of its revenue from advertising, anyway. So to  jeopardize the entire franchise for the sake of  pennies is just dumb.

So this is the situation you have on your hands right now: WebMD is supporting scammers to the following effect:

• It looks like WebMD is endorsing these scam sites and products (and several of my readers who were fooled, actually said it was because the referral site was a legitimate one, such as yours)
• It allows these criminals to make money off of sick and desperate people on the back of (and to the detriment of) WebMD's reputation.
• Some of the products are harmful, so some people may be hurt by them, when they came to WebMD for help. Theoretically, -despite all your disclaimers, WebMD could be open to a lawsuit if this happened.

I am urging you to please put a process in place that performs better due diligence on the type of companies advertising on WebMD through "Ads by Yahoo!" and similar feeds.  I can provide a pretty comprehensive list of the scammers I know about (I am sure there are plenty that I have missed). Actually, the lists are here on this site,  under the "scams" section, but I can provide it in a better format -in any format you like.

I don't expect a direct answer from you. I didn't get one when I went to customer service, despite the friendly little box that said they would get back to me in two business days, so I know you won't respond. But even if you don't respond you will be responding: Your response will show in the WebMD site. I predict that you will do either one of the following

1. Nothing
2.  Remove all the scam ads
3. Leave the "Ads by Yahoo!" feed untouched, but with a more visible disclaimer thereon.

I hope  you  do the right thing and choose Option #2; -but I have to tell you (and you can color me cynical), my money is on #3.

BTW: If you need help identifying the scammers, I was serious in my offer to help.  My e-mail is linked on the top left-hand corner of this site.

Sincerely

One Sick Mother

Gardasil, The First Frankenvaccine

A friend, a young lady of college age,  recently posted a link to this video on her Facebook page.  It is the story of Gabrielle Swank, who has become very ill after receiving her third Gardasil vaccination.  Aside from the obvious impact such a story would have on anyone; two particular aspects of it struck me very hard:

1. Many Of Gabrielle's symptoms are very similar to mine; although hers are  more severe and sudden in onset.  I checked out some other stories and a similar list of symptoms emerges.  Hmmmm.
2. My daughter, Grace is nine years old. Very soon, I will face the Gardasil decision on her behalf. (Ugh)

 

So I decided to investigate Gardasil. Like you do. And to share my findings with you.  Because there is a lot here and it is interesting, while at the same time; kind of scary:

The first thing I found out is this: Gardasil is the very first of a new breed of vaccine, which is manufactured by a completely different process than traditional vaccines have been.  There are two new vaccines in a similar vein racing through the FDA as we speak: Cervarix, by GSK, another HPV vaccine and a direct competitor of Gardasil, and a new H1N1 "swine flu" vaccine by Novavax.

Hello, Big Red flag!

Traditional vaccines are made using a live virus, which you then put into the embryo of a developing hen's egg. You leave it for three days for the embryo to develop  some more, replicating furiously and making new virus as it goes. Then you crack the egg,  extract the virus, kill or disable it so it won't cause the actual disease, clean off the bits of dead chick, and voila!  One single vaccine dose!  So you can't make a vaccine without breaking some eggs. (idle thought: Do vegans get vaccinated?  Hmmmm.)

Here is a video explaining the process.

There are several problems with this method: It is slow, labor intensive, expensive and is very dependent on the supply of chickens/eggs.  Apparently they prefer to use young hens in their first laying season, then they "sacrifice" them before the next virus season, presumably rearing a batch of their offspring as a replacement. ('nother idle thought: You know, reading all this, I wondered how they would make an avian flu vaccine? What if the flock got infected with the bird flu virus? ...Or would that be a good thing, and save the trouble of introducing the virus to the eggs artificially?).

The Gardisil vaccine is made using a brand new process -long overdue-  using something called VLPs, which stands for virus-like particles.   I know, right:  WTF is a virus-like particle?  Well it is a fancy,  state-of-the art piece of genetic engineering.

Best as I can understand; it works like this (this is my over-simplified and somewhat over-dramatized version, but it is not entirely inaccurate):

You take a virus, remove it's brains, and then put it in a little bath of yeast and nutrients. The virus will reconstitute itself into something mute that looks and walks and like a virus, but isn't technically a virus anymore. Therefore the name "Virus-Like particle".  

 

I prefer to think of it as a Frankenvirus.  

With the brains removed, the Frankenvirus  cannot cause that specific illness, but it can still reproduce  (similar to  many man I know, no brains, but ready to reproduce with anybody not fast enough to get away)!  And so it does just that, merrily making more Frankenviruses without the lab needing to use any hen's eggs at all (and I bet all the vegans reading this are heaving a HUGE sigh of relief and queuing up to get Fraknenvirus injections...).

Because VLPs -or Frankenviruses as I now prefer to call them (it is less cold) LOOK very similar on the outside, the human body reacts to them as it would to a regular virus, generating antibodies and therefore immunity to the original virus. Apparently the process can be further tweaked, adding bells and whistles in the form of protein coatings that may trigger different immune responses in the "host" -which is the drug company's preferred term for "person" in this scenario (it is more cold).

Frankenvaccines are believed to be safer than traditional live or killed vaccines because there is no way they can inadvertently cause the illness for which they were designed. This all sounds very well and good.

But what about causing NEW illnesses?  Did anyone think to check that one out? -Before Gardasil went into mass production on our next generation of mothers, I mean?

Yes, there were clinical trials, but this is brand new technology. There have been NO long-term trials -intended to be run "post-marketing" (i.e. we'll inject it into all of your little girls and let's see what happens!).  I wonder how many parents were informed that the Gardisil vaccine that was being injected into their daughters was the very first product in a brand new generation of vaccine technology? Because that is information I would want to know, and I think I have a right to know it before I am guilted into making a snap decision in the pediatrician's office

As a former software person, I know that  "version 1" of any product is usually loaded with bugs (pun intended). Every person in my business knows that you have to get to at least version 3 before they get most of the glitches out of the software. So generally, we install our new code on our colleague's computers befire our own (Really. it's mean, but we make an excuse and we do it).

The big thing about new software code (and presumably new vaccines and Frankenviruses), is that they may work just fine in the lab, but you never know what kind of conditions they may encounter out in the real world. When you release them into the world, there can be all sorts of actions, reactions and interactions with other entities and other ...stuff that you could not possibly have predicted under lab conditions.

...not to mention the long-term effects, which have not been studied at all.  

Eventually, we iron out all the little glitches and we release a cleaned-up and safe product in version two or three.

Did the FDA, the doctors or ANYONE warn patients or parents that Gardasil is a 'version 1.0' -not just of a vaccine, but of a whole new technology and  processing methodology?  If anyone has been offered this vaccine, I would appreciate them letting me know if they were told this (thanks).

 

OK now to completely change the subject back to me for just a second.

I have been told I might have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (CFS).  This was based on the fact that my system contains an abnormal number of antibodies against a virus. In my case, it is Epstein-Barr, but other cases of CFS have been linked to the HPV viruses.  I was very struck by the fact -as I mentioned earlier, that many of the people who got sick after the Gardasil shot had very similar symptoms to mine. Scarily similar.

And this got me thinking -funnily enough (in light of earlier descriptions)- of chickens and eggs:  Namely can CFS or a similar illness be caused by an immune response, rather than a viral infection?  In other words, could a Frankenvirus, which cannot cause illness in itself, cause a different kind of illness by triggering an unexpected immune response in some individuals?

Good question, no?  I wonder if anyone with any actual say in these matters has asked it?

..and I also wonder if IVIG or similar might help some of those girls and women who have had their lives destroyed by Gardasil?

Another big question surrounding Gardasil and other FrankenVaccines, -quite apart from the Frankenviruses therein, are the other additives, called  adjuvants, which are chemicals added to the vaccine, supposedly to make the virus more effective.  The main one used in Gardasil is approximately 225 mcg of aluminum (as Amorphous Aluminum Hydroxyphosphate Sulfate adjuvant).  There have been many questions raised in the medical community, asking if this additive is really necessary?  The Frankenvirus has been shown to work perfectly fine without it.

Gardasil is not the only HPV Frankenvaccine out there. Cervarix, which is GlaxoSmithKline's (GSK) version, has been approved for use in the UK and parts of Europe. Cervarix only contains two Frankenviruses, (as opposed to Gardasil's four) but  GSK have been bragging hugely about their adjuvant,  known as AS04, saying it provoked an even better (i.e. stronger) immune response than Merck's boring old aluminum salt.

'scuse me, but is that a good thing?  Just how much immune response can a body take before it goes into overdrive or starts to shut down?

The one death which had  initially  been linked to  Cevarix, now turns out not to have been linked at all. The 14yo English girl who died had undiagnosed cancer, which had become quite widespread. OK fair enough, but I still think the shot thing was probably a bit more than a coincidence. What else had changed with her?

I don't want to create mass panic here.  I know millions of girls and women have received the Gardasil shot and been fine.

So far.

But is their long-term health being monitored?  How many have gone on to have babies?  How have those babies been?  Really. Enquiring minds want to know:

What are the long-term effects of Frankenvaccines?

There have been thousands of serious adverse events reported and several deaths have been attributed to Gardasil. I don't think the FDA is looking at this as anything more than just another vaccine. I don't think the FDA has said to itself (as I would if I were in charge) "This is the very first in a brand new generation of vaccine technology and processes. We think we'll follow it up more closely than if it were a traditional vaccine".  No.  The FDA, the CDC, the AMA and everyone looking at the cost of cervical cancer treatment and are pushing hard for us to have our little girls injected with this stuff -which -let's face it- is to prevent against a sexually transmitted disease (it is NOT a cervical cancer vaccine. It is a HPV vaccine. Yes, HPV can and does cause cervical cancers, but HPV is transmitted sexually. How many NINE YEAR OLD GIRLS -other than the abused- are sexually active?).

Several things need to change : The FDA needs to instigate some kind of process to more actively monitor and follow up on brand new technology such as genetically engineered viruses and proprietary adjuvants. Currently, they only audit every two years. I would be more comfortable with every six months in cases like these.   Sorry if that's a lot of extra work on an already-stretched agency, but the public needs to be protected.

But instead, the FDA is pushing through more and more Frankenvaccines. Cevarix is set to be approved any day now and a new H1N1 Frankenvaccine, developed by Novavax in Maryland, is being watched with interest. They were the first to put a swine flu Frankenvirus together after the CDC released the sequence, taking less than a month to do it. This is impressive and could change the whole face of the industry.

But at what potential human cost?

Frankenvaccines  have only been in production for three years. They have NOT BEEN FULLY TESTED. The pharmacutical industry is forging ahead nonetheless. I did a little search on VLP patents which are in development or approved:

Over 3,800 of them, including at least one for HIV.

None of this is bad in itself. it would be great to have a safe and effective vaccine against HIV.   However,  I am reminded of the whole Thimerosal thing in the 90s, where vaccines were tested and approved individually, with no thought given to the overall load of virus and chemicals injected into tiny babies. This meant that many babies were injected with mercury at many times the adult recommended levels, because most of the vaccines contained it and no-one had done the math on the cumulative levels (It sounds unbelievable, but it is true. This is the kind of shit the FDA routinely overlooks).

Who is studying potential Frankenvaccine cumulative load and interactions with other Frankenvaccines, I wonder...?

I remember the 90s and it seems to me the whole Frankenvaccine issue - as it is currently playing out, has a much greater potential for interactions and adverse long-term effects than anyone in the pharmaceutical companies or the agencies that are supposed to regulate them are letting on.

So I won't be giving my kids a Frankenvaccine anytime soon.  -especially in light of my own health problems. I already have some of the reported side-effects of Gardasil already, possibly due to my immune response to a different (non franken-) virus. 

What if whatever I have is genetic?

Therefore, Grace will be "one less" person getting Gardasil.

Other People's Shoes

I think generally,  people understand that most people with an Autistic Spectrum Disorder (ASD) cannot (easily) put themselves in "another person's shoes". That is, they have a hard time understanding what that other person may be feeling or thinking and how things may be for that person. Many cannot even conceive of "walking a mile in your shoes".

 

They are stuck in their own shoes

My son Joe, who is (high functioning) Autistic, would probably pass by someone who had collapsed on the street, thinking that person maybe chose to lay down right then and there; and if that is the case, who is he to say anything?  An Autie such as Joe doesn't tend to factor in things like "normal behaviour" or "likelihood" into these scenarios, because to him, NTs are all so weird anyway. There is no telling what we might do! So who is he to question?  However, if I explained to Joe that the person might be in trouble or distress, he would move Heaven and Earth to help them if he could.

Perspective is a funny thing.

Of course, most NT people in the same scenario would instantly figure there is something wrong -even if the person had chosen to lay down right there! (OK the odds are that they didn't. But I'm just saying...)

Most of us non-autistic people, think we have good... whateveritis you want to call it: Theory of mind, empathy, perspective-taking. Most of us think we can place ourselves in another person's shoes and understand where they are coming from.

Sometimes we can. Sometimes we can't.

I have been thinking about this a lot recently. One of the comments on the piece I wrote about Caster Semenya was written by a man trapped in a woman's body. I tried to imagine what that might be like (and I tried to imagine if I were trapped in a man's body).  I couldn't do it. 

I can only imagine my body: My "shoes".

I didn't realize I was quite so unimaginative until now. Now, I know that some experiences cannot be imagined or described, but I thought I could manage simple enough ones like "male" and "female". 

But I can't because they are not that simple at all. At least not for humans.

I remember years ago, reading an interview with Stevie Wonder and he; although born blind, was saying that he does "see" things in his head. Of course he cannot describe them to anyone, having no knowledge of a sighted person's concept of (say) "color"; indeed, having no sight references at all. So we cannot know what he sees. I do wonder if he shares it, wittingly or unwittingly? I wonder if his vision colors (pun intended) his music?

Interesting, no?

Recently, I watched the season premier of Season 6 of "So You Think You Can Dance", which is one of my favorite shows. Allison Becker, A deaf dancer auditioned in Phoenix. She was great.  What got me was that the judges were so flabbergasted that she was great. They danced (pun intended) around the core issue until Mia Michaels finally came out and said in a somewhat roundabout way what everybody else was thinking (I'm paraphrasing here): 

"Why do you (how can you) dance when you can't hear the music?"

The answer was simple.

"I hear it differently"

Then Nigel was waffling on about wanting to see how she would do in choreography and again she just said

"I'll be great"

And she was. She killed the choreography. Here is a link to the video.

(And although somewhat off topic, I have to give a shout-out to the same-sex ballroom couple, whose video is here.)

 

There are some shoes we cannot occupy. Some scenarios we cannot understand, no matter how we try. We cannot understand how a deaf woman hears or a blind man sees. We cannot fully get what it is like to have Autism, ADHD, Dyxlexia or OCD. We can try and understand it on an intellectual level, but we cannot truly get it.

In a funny way, I thnk Joe has an advantage in this over me. He KNOWS that he doesn't get other people. Therefore instead of trying to understand them, he usually just accepts them. He has no problem at all with the concept of a deaf dancer. She's deaf, she dances: So what?

Whereas I, who consider myself an empathetic person, find myself trying to understand instead of simply accepting. And then I realized that I have been guilty of "Murakab"  in my attempt to teach Joe about putting yourself in other people's shoes. I had assumed that I could always do it, and that one always should do it. I didn't fully realize that there are times when one CAN'T do it. I didn't fully understand that: Hence murakab, which means 'complex ignorance"; I didn't know that I didn't know (as opposed to simple ignorance, where you know you don't know).

I have now realized that there are times when Joe's approach is better than mine. There are times when I cannot -simply CANNOT place myself in another person's shoes. That does not mean their experience is invalid (not that I ever thought it was). It just means that instead of trying to project myself onto them, I will choose to accept them on blind faith, like Joe does.  That isn't easy for me.

Having just said that, however,  if I ever do see a person collapsed on the street, I will not assume they chose to lie down and take a nap.

(All the art in this piece is by Renee Magritte, 1898-1967)

Where Was I? ...Oh Yes: #30

So, in my unrelenting quest to find a diagnosis and treatment for my disabling medical condition, I took myself off to see doctor #30 last Wednesday.  This guy is a metabolic endocrinologist and works mainly in pediatrics. I found him through a buddy of Joe's, interestingly enough (long story). I had called  #30's office, hoping to see him, or at least to get a recommendation for an adult version of him -if you know what I mean (because he is an adult, obviously).  I mentioned before that he had called and after a long conversation, agreed to take my case.  Hurray!  Most doctors who see me coming start crying for their Mommy.

So I packed the kids off to school and undertook the 2 hour walking-and-public-transport commute to the hospital where #30 practices, which is big and internationally recognized. And far away.

What with public transport, hospital red tape and my appalling sense of direction, I was an hour late. #30 is a very kindly mature gentleman and he agreed to see me anyway. He spent a lot of time with me. He had copies of all the stuff I had faxed to him, but no printouts of the documents I had e-mailed. Now, I usually bring copies of all correspondence, but my printer had chosen that morning to run out of ink, and had crapped out right before the most important document: the one depicting the timeline and sequence of events leading up to my first fit (ugh).

Nonetheless, #30 took a detailed history, although he concentrated more on stuff before I was sick than when I was sick -we kept getting sidetracked and I had a few minor seizures, which didn't help with anyone's concentration. So with the afternoon well advanced and no-one fed, he finally sat back and told me what he thought.

"I think you have a variant of Chronic Fatigue Syndrome.."

(whaa...?)

"...and none of the treatments for it work..."  (I nodded, speechless. It is known there is nothing you can do for CFS) 

"...except ours..."

He went on to explain that there are some variants of CFS that present with right-sided weakness, facial droop, seizures and pretty much all of the symptoms I had presented with (except the drug reactions). He invited me to Google it.

I did, of course and I found this piece, which is excerpted below. I have bolded the part that I think pertains to my symptoms:

Research on subgroups of CFS is underway, but is still in very early stages. To date, however, clinical experience and limited data suggest that subgroups of CFS may include the following:

• Post-ADD CFS: Young adults who had attention-deficit disorder as children, who have flipped from hyperactivity to fatigue. Such patients have severe hypersomnolence (sleeping too much, sleeping any time or anywhere). Such patients respond well to psychostimulants.
• Neurological CFS: Patients have more severe cognitive symptoms than patients in the other groups, including trouble thinking, remembering, and paying attention. While cognitive difficulties affect the vast majority of patients with CFS, this group experiences significantly more severe symptoms. Visual-spatial problems are common as are sensitivities to light and noise. Other symptoms in this group include seizure-like episodes and other abnormalities suggestive of temporal lobe seizures. Patients in this group tend to have severe sleep problems in which they never achieve stages 3 or 4 of the sleep cycle, awaken unrefreshed, and respond well to sleep-improving drugs.
• Post-viral CFS versus gradual-onset CFS: According to some experts, an estimated 70% of patients are healthy until a particular illness strikes at a definite time. In gradual-onset patients, however, symptoms develop gradually, and patients are unable to recall any specific viral or infectious illness that initiated the process.

Further delving into my medical records, which I had brought with me, uncovered some unusually high titers for Epstein Barr (AKA infectious mononeucleosis AKA Glandular fever), which #26 had uncovered almost two years ago (but done nothing). #30 said that many people with CFS have antibody profiles that look like mine.

Then #30 went on to explain that their treatment for CFS is a structured regimen of exercise therapy and nutritional support, which would have to be undertaken diligently for several weeks before any results would start to show.

Now I have no problem starting a monitored exercise program. I would love to lose a bit of weight and my response to exercise has been a bit ...um ...unpredictable in the past. I was fired from Physical Therapy for having too many seizures in their office.  But I asked the Big Question anyway (already knowing the answer):

"Could I do this program near my home, or does it have to be in the hospital?"

"It has to be here, in the hospital"

Fuck. I was afraid he would say that.

Here is my problem: Himself and myself are (legal) immigrants with two special-needs kids. We have no family or close friends nearby who can help us. The hospital is two hours away, only accessible via public transport and there is no-one who can accompany me on these trips. Therefore, if I go to the hospital, do my thing and then have a massive seizure on the NYC subway going home (or there!), I am basically screwed. -An epileptic lady I once struck up a conversation with on the subway said that if you have a fit on the subway, they call 911 on on your mobile phone and then take off with all your jewelry and belongings. At least they call 911!

Even supposing I don't have a fit: Grace gets on her bus at 9am and Joe gets off his bus at 3:10pm:

Allow an optimistic two hours to get to the hospital: 11:am

Allow 40 minutes for hanging around, getting registered and prepared etc: 11:40am

Allow 40 minutes to do the exercise program: 12:20 am

One hour (at least) cool-down and monitoring: 1:20pm

Two hours to get home and discover a hysterical Joe on the doorstep: 3:20pm

...and all this is assuming no problems or delays. There is no way I can do it.

Himself has been good about working from home on days when I have to schlep into the city for a doctor's appointment, but he can't do it three days a week for three months. And there is the other question:  What if I am in the hospital, and I get a call from the school, that Grace has dislocated a hip, or Joe has had a meltdown?  I will be two hours away and Himself -if he is at work- will be over an hour away in a different direction. There is on-one locally who would be able to deal with either of them under those or similar conditions.

That won't do.

In a way, I am stressing out prematurely about this. I had seven or eight vials of blood taken yesterday for #30 to review. Maybe he will find something not indicative of CFS therein and will change his treatment plan?

I guess we will wait and see....

Another Day, Another Doctor

I am going to visit a new doctor today. This will be #30 as counted in this blog (but #32 actually, as I left out two in the initial count).

This guy -so far- seems a little bit different: First of all, he called me before the initial appointment, asked many questions about my condition and spoke to me at length. He asked me to send him copies of bloodwork and other tests for review before the appointment.

...and  then  ...THEN he said he thought he might be able to figure out the problem.

WOW!

Most doctors just look at me -like I'm mental (although maybe he was doing that -hard to tell over the phone) and tell me to see ...someone else (doesn't matter who. ANYONE but them!)

But this guy... He said he had some ideas. 

I kinda wish he hadn't said that.

Because now my old stalker: Hope, has been all over me like a rash.

Maybe this guy will be the one to make Hope finally go away?

Or maybe he will have the answer?

I feel right now this guy is my last shot. I know that probably isn't logical, but feelings seldom are.

I will let you know...

More Bus Drama

My regular readers may recall that last year, I had to petition the school district to make a new school bus stop nearer to my home. This is because my children and I all have Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome, and I was afraid that the walk to the old bus stop, which involved walking on a street without a sidewalk and crossing two streets, might be dangerous in icy weather. If you have EDS and you slip on ice, there is a very good chance you will dislocate at least one joint (and not be able to get off the ground unassisted).

So last year, I had a series of battles with the district and the doctor's office to get it all sorted out. You can read about (most of) that here and here.

Last week, around Wednesday or Thursday, I realized that I had not received the little yellow cards that tells me the bus route details. I was pretty sure Grace's would be the same as last year, but Joe starts middle school this year and the times/routes are definitely different.

So I called the district to find out the routes.  "Your daughter is being picked up at 8:56 am at the New Stop (i.e. right by the house).  Your son will be picked up at 7:38am at the Old Stop (i.e. up the street, in Potential Dislocation Land)"

"Um... why are the stops different for both kids when I provided medical documentation last year for them both, stating that they needed to be picked up closer to home?"

"No. the documentation you provided was only for your daughter."

"No. I'm, pretty sure it was for both (but could I find my copy of the letter right then?  No.)"

"Well, you'll need a doctor's letter for your son.  ...you need one every year anyway because medical conditions change" -This made no sense because they had accepted last year's letter for Grace, but I kept my mouth shut on that point. Instead I said.

"This is genetic. It won't change. He was born with it; he'll die with it. But OK. I'll get a doctor's letter."

I hung up.

"I will die with what, Mom?"  (Oops! I hadn't realized that Joe was right behind me!)

"Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome."

"Oh. OK"

The phone rang a few minutes later. It was the district. They had found the original doctor's letter, and I was right: both children were mentioned by name therein. They would change Joe's stop to pick up at the same location as Grace's. I have to say, of all the offices I deal with in the District, Transportation are probably the nicest.

Unfortunately, the bus company is a whole 'nother story.

So day one of Middle school: Joe and I were out at 7:30. I wasn't sure if the new stop would pick up before or after the 7:38 stop down the street, so we went out early in case it was before (Joe, bless his little heart, had been all prepared: packed, washed, brushed and shined since about 7:10).

We saw the bus arrive at middle of the street and then turn down our street, away from our house, stop for a microsecond at the 7:38 pickup point and then take off in the wrong direction, away from us. OK maybe that was a different route. We waited just in case.

It wasn't a different route.

At 7:45am, with Joe wigging out about being late on his first day of middle school, which would -in his mind- start some kind of chain reaction to Armageddon; I loaded both kids in the car (poor Grace had been hauled out of bed early and asked to get dressed -just in case)  and dropped Joe off on time.

That afternoon, I waited for Joe's bus, which is about an hour ahead of Grace's. No bus went by my house.  I called the bus company. 

"My son isn't home yet. School finished a hour ago and I'm worried"

The lady was breezily unconcerned. "Oh the second wave of buses is just leaving his school now. He is probably on the second wave."

She clearly doesn't know anyone with Asperger's Syndrome. NO WAY was Joe on the second wave! I tried to explain this to her, but she blew me off as an overanxious mom.

Fuck YEAH I was overanxious! My kid was MISSING!

I started going through the elementary school phone book, trying to think of other people who would be on the same route and would have Middle school-age kids to see if these people had received their kids home OK. But the only person I found wasn't picking up.  I was about to call the district when the door opened and Joe walked in, out of breath and sweating.

I turns out, he had been on the first wave bus (of course) and when the bus had breezed by our stop, he had stayed on, thinking maybe it would go around the block or something. It hadn't, and as he got farther and farther from our house, he realized they bus wasn't going to stop for him. So not knowing what to do (although I have pounded "tell an adult" into his brain -apparently pointlessly -since he could vocalize),  he got off several blocks from our home and he ran back to our house, afraid that he was somehow in trouble for the bus's failure to stop.

*sigh*. That kids takes too much responsibility on himself. Apparently this is common with Autistic Spectrum kids.

So I called the district, thinking maybe they hadn't sent the paperwork to the bus company. They had. The lady said. "I even put 'medical' next to it in big letters, so they would know".  I believe her.

So I figure the afternoon bus driver can't or won't read.

You know, I just wish these drivers and administrators really understood the impact this sort of nonsense has on special needs kids. It may be a line on a list or a simple clerical error to them, but to the kid, the perception is (rightly or wrongly) that it is HUGE and potentially life changing. 

And somehow all their own fault.

Or their mother's fault.

Or both.

Joe spent quite some time stressing about the bus situation last night. I reassured him as best I could and told him that I would work with the district and the bus company to fix things, but like last year, it might take a few days to get it right (and don't get me started on substitute drivers, but I didn't go there). Joe got it -probably better than most kids would. "you shouldn't have to do that, Mom"
"Yes I should. It's my job. And if I have to stay on the phone all day to fix this, I will."

I really hoped today would be better than yesterday. As I made his lunch at 7am this morning, I wished and hoped that it would be.

We went out again at 7:30; waited, and again, we watched the bus come to the middle of the street, then turn away from our house. This time I was ready with my trusty phone in hand. I called the bus company, while frantically motioning for Joe to NOT run down the street, to chase a rapidly diminishing bus.  The bus company put me on hold for several minutes. Then they told me "a bus will be there in a couple of minutes to pick him up." Not YOUR bus:  A bus.  So they had screwed up. Again.

Well, but this time it was past Joe's 7:45 cutoff for having a meltdown. I hung up and he was pacing and flapping, all the time talking about fish:

"...so you had the fish and you just didn't reel it in. And in the meantime, I am starving and Grace is starving and you just won't reel that fish in..."

"What do you mean, Joe"

"it's an expression."

"I get that, but I don't understand the expression. What's the fish? Is the bus the fish?"

"Yes. ...No. I don't know.... Look, it's just an EXPRESSION!"

Joe understands about expressions and figures of speech. For years I have been telling him to 'keep his hair on", to "hold his horses" and that he is "on thin ice".  He understands this stuff a lot better than many Auties/Aspies his age.  But this making up of expressions is new to me and this particular autistic expression of speech is completely opaque to me; -to both of us, apparently. Maybe

he knows what he means somewhere in his brain. But I think he just got several metaphors mixed and I somehow ended up being the bad guy with a fishing rod and starving children.

And he managed to make it sound like that had been my sole ambition in life.

Eventually, an empty school bus arrived and stopped on the main road at the side of our house. I asked the driver: "Is this the spot where you will normally stop? Because the elementary school bus usually pulls around the corner out of the traffic?" The driver shrugged.

I don't know. I'm just filling in for the regular guy, who missed this stop." (Oh well, at least he was honest).

I walked back into the house at 8am, mentally exhausted.

I am now wondering what will happen this afternoon?  Where will Joe end up?

And I am also seriously considering the statement he made last night. "If I had a cellphone, I could have called you when the bus didn't stop. Maybe I need a cellphone, Mom"

Maybe he does.

I wonder if I could charge the cost to the useless bus company?

Why I Care

As most people who have read this site for more than three seconds will know, I have directed a lot of my time and energy to tracking down and outing scammers.  My ultimate goal is to shut these guys down, which is proving a lot more difficult than it should.

Why is it so hard?

Multiple reasons. For one, the Internet isn't a place. So who has jurisdiction on the Internet?

No-one.

Different countries have jurisdiction over their own "bit" of the Internet (and their own rules regarding it). There is some international co-operation regarding Internet use for very serious stuff, such as child pornography rings or human / human organ trafficking.  However, something as relatively "minor" as healthcare scams is way down the list of priorities for these guys.

So we look at the local enforcers.  Let's imagine a hypothetical situation:

Say you live in New Jersey and buy a product from a company that claims to be based in Norway. The product never arrives or doesn't work. Who do you contact?  The company. If they don't respond, to whom do you then turn? The FDA?  They won't get you your money back and they don't regulate supplements. Also, the company was based in Norway, right?  So the FDA will probably tell you to contact whoever in Norway regulates these guys.

Buy you don't happen speak or write Norwegian.

Nonetheless, you persevere and contact the Norwegian peeps, who do have English speakers on hand. They do a pretty rudimentary investigation on your missing $90, which is small potatoes to them, tell you that no such company as Oslo Health Solutions is registered in Norway, regardless what the internet says. But a search they did on the domain registration points to a US Domain site. You need to contact the US authorities.

You contact the US authorities with the domain information you got from the Norwegian folks. The US people check and they say the the US domain registration is a holding site, masking the real domain (many registration sites will offer this service). However, because the company who scammed you is based in Norway (or maybe Pakistan, from whence the dodgy product arrived), but not in the US, they have no grounds on which to investigate the real domain information. You need to go back to the Norwegians.

So you contact the Norwegians (again) and they insist that the domain company is a US one, and they have no jurisdiction. You need to contact the US authorities.

And so you are stuck.  You just went in a great big circle to end up precisely nowhere. For someone with a chronic health condition, this is probably familiar territory after dealing with the medical world.  But "familiar" does not mean "good".

So to whom do you turn?  Your credit card company. They are global too, and they will fight to get you back your money.

And so you eventually get back your money and you go on your way. 

However, no complaint has been registered that stuck, so the scammers are free to defraud indefinitely. 

But OSM. I hear you say  The imaginary person got their money back. So why do you care about all of this?

I care because the primary issue here isn't about the money. It's about the exploitation and mistreatment of sick people.

I care because people have their hopes raised (and you know how I feel about hope) and then dashed by callous predatory subhumans.

I care because if I don't care, and don't try to do something, it won't stop. More and more people will have their hopes raised and dashed.

I care because someone is profiting from their pain and desperation.

I care because the longer I do this, the less these medical conditions are lists of unpronounceable words, and the more they are associated with real people with real lives and families. Like:

• My friend, whose son has Muscular Dystrophy
• My stepmother, who has Rheumatoid Arthritis
• Stephen Deal, who also has MD
• Elizabeth, who has MSA
• Blake, who has SMA
• Janice who suffers very badly with Syringomyelia
• My friend Betsy who had Pseudotumor Cerebri
• The woman from whom we bought this house, who had Parkinson's Disease
• My friend's ex, who had Bell's Palsy
• Another friend's child, who was born with severe Cerebral Palsy and requires 24/7 care
• Another friend who has alopcea, which has impacted his self-esteem for years
• My great-aunt Nora, who went blind from Glaucoma

...and then all the people who have contacted me because they were scammed or almost scammed:

• A lady  in England with painful ganglion
• A man whose girlfriend has been blinded by Retinitis Pigmentosa
• A woman in Australia who has Melasma
• A man in Europe whose girlfriend has narcolepsy, and who has bad side effects from the conventional drugs used to treat it
• A man with Myasthenia Gravis in the States
• a very nice person -not sure wherefrom, who e-mailed me to ask me if I had any information on Scleroderma treatment, as the one product which had seemed to show promise had been outed as a scam by me.

There are many, many more.

So to me now, when I see these scams operating, I don't see words on a screen. I see my stepmother's hands, Or Elizabeth's vivid imagery. I see my friend pushing her son in a wheelchair, turning away from the Memorial Day parade because she cannot look at so many able-bodied kids parading down the main drag, while hers is the only one in town in a wheelchair.

I see evil, money-grubbing, bastards preying on and playing with my friends.

Behind these long disease names and behind every one of the links, there are real people with real challenges, who have to face each day and carry on. I care about that. I care about them, which is why I won't rest until the scammers are shut down,

The really sad thing is this: 

I seem to be the only one who cares this much.

Those Little Things We Say....

My sister had five children in as many years. So for several years,  her house was like some kind of cross between a daycare, a zoo, and an asylum. For most of these years, I lived in a different country so my main communication with her was over the phone.

So there we would be on the phone, chatting normally, when suddenly I would be deafened as my sis would break up a fight or something. Here is an example of what our phone conversations were like for several years.

Sis "...well, there he was, standing all alone, so I wen... GET OFF HIS HEAD!!!  YOU'LL HURT HIM(?)  GET OFF HIS HEAD NOW!!!  ...t over to him and sai...  LET GO OF HIS TAIL!!! NOW! HE'LL BITE YOU!!!  LET GO!!  RIGHT NOW!!! ...d "are you lost, luvvy?  Do you need me to help you find your mum?"

Yes. I was lost. And somewhat deaf in one ear.

I thought, after listening to my sis for years, that I was somewhat prepared for the kinds of things you say when you have kids. I also made sure I had a cordless phone and many handsets, which definitely cuts down on the yelling aspect (In fairness: my sis didn't actually yell that much normally, but while on the phone back then, she was tied to one location).

Today, as I found myself calmly telling Grace "don't suck the cat's blood" I realized that yes, there are definitely some phrases that pop out of my mouth; some combinations of words that I NEVER thought I would say in that order, and it makes me shake my head. Or smile. Usually both.  And sometimes the things I say make me wonder if I have been transported into some kind of bizarro world, or am somehow the star of my very own "Truman show"?  The "cat's blood" thing was totally innocuous, BTW. They were playing a vampire game, and poor George had been designated a 'victim'.

Now, I had expected some strange expressions to come out of my mouth. Here are a few I had expected (and got):

• We don't bring worms/ bugs/ snails/ dead birds into the house"
• We don't run out into traffic
• We don't threaten to kill our sister/brother.
• We don't pick the neighbour's flowers, not even as a gift for Mom.
• We don't go visiting the neighbours without permission (Grace)
• No. You may not drive the car
• See! I TOLD you Teddy can't go in the bath!
• This is what happens when you don't put your gum in the trash!

...and then some things I NEVER thought I would ever hear myself say; especially not in the calm, matter-of-fact voice I perfected about a year or so after Joe's special needs became apparent.

• We don't growl at friends/ strangers/ anybody
• We don't attack other kid's moms (/dads) in the zoo  ...Or anywhere, for that matter.
• We keep our clothes and shoes on in the restaurant, please
• We don't sniff the pizza delivery guy
• We don't tunnel behind the boxes on the supermarket shelf  (I distinctly remember wondering where Joe was, and then when looking down the aisle, I watched a progression of cereal boxes fall off the shelf, one after another, away from me, allowing me to track his progress down the back of the shelf. He was pretty fast! There was a long line of boxes by the time I got to him.)
• Do you always pick on disabled four-year olds? Or have you waited your whole life to meet your intellectual equal? (this to a man in K-mart, who was being mean to Joe.  ...and that one wasn't said in a calm voice!)
• Please don't sniff the food you are given in Kyle's house. His mom's feeling might be hurt.
• What show is that from? (this in response to a clearly echolalic utterance) 
• You need to tell people who you are when you call them on the regular phone. it's not like Skype.  They can't see you.
• No sweetheart. Zombies won't get into the house while we are sleeping. The alarm is set.
• I know the guy was fat, but you can't say that to his face.  You have to use other words, like 'big" ... better yet: Don't mention it at all...

...and there are a few non-parenting-related  phrases I never thought I would hear myself utter, either.

• "Don't call 911. It's only been 40 minutes" (since the seizure began) Don't try that one at home, kids.
• "I think we can get it back in. Just pull my arm straight out -don't twist, whatever you do.  On my count..."

I'm sure there are many more, but I can hear the kids start to get wild in the background, and I suspect I will have to go and use some of my phrases in a minute.

What about you?  Are there any particular phrases you never thought you would use that stand out in your mind?

Ode To Joe

I wish I had the video to accompany this story, but apparently the kids were supposed to bring in a tape on the day of filming in order to get a copy.  They didn't think to tell me this.  They didn't think I would want a copy. More likely, they didn't want me to have a copy.  Either way, I am stuck, now. Opportunity missed.

*shrug*

Kids.  What are you gonna do?

Backtrack a bit:

Joe and Grace took a course in TV and radio at summer school this year.  I was a little concerned about them being in the same class, that they might cling to each other and wouldn't mingle with the other kids or conversely, that they would fight (or both!). I instructed them to stay separate and be individuals.

In hindsight, maybe this was a mistake.

Most of the work involved in making little commercials or movies is team work.  Joe doesn't do well with people he doesn't know well, and some of the kids tried to take advantage of him ("Mom, I would rather be back in elementary school and bullied by M than in Summer school being bullied by K. At least I'm used to M."). 

He struggled with each project.

By the time they got to the last project, a music video, Joe was on his own. No-one volunteered to work with him, and he didn't know how to ask to be included in any group. How do you make a music video with just one person? (I was oblivious while all this was going on BTW. Neither kid told me. What happens in Summer School stays in Summer School, apparently. I found all this out after the fact.).

So Joe come home from school.  "Mom?  Can you put the 'OIde to Joy' on my iPod?"  All the other kids were singing or dancing, and he decided -all on his own- that his video was going to be just him conducting the "Ode to Joy" to camera. I thought it was an excellent idea.

We watched some You tube footage of conductors, starting with Rowan Atkinson's "The Conductor" (did you ever notice that Rowan Atkinson is hypermobile?), I thought he could play it for laughs (Joe is naurally quite funny), but Joe decided that he was going to play it straight and I respected that.

He went in on the day they shot the music videos, all dressed up in the suit that we had bought (but he hadn't worn), for elementary school graduation, and despite dropping his baton (a chopstick) once during the shoot, he stuck with it and did it. 

I went in today for parent's day, and  saw all the films the kids had made, and -although I know I am biased, I thought his conductor music video was the most memorable one there. 

I'm well proud of him.