Matinee Idol Doctor

He's a doctor. He's tall, dark, handsome, well-groomed, extremely competent, very arrogant (Some might say that's understandable given his other qualities. I don't.)

...and cold as liquid nitrogen.

He's my neuro-ophthalmologist, and the only true Matinee Idol doctor I have encountered so far.

I have met two pretenders to the title -both hand surgeons, interestingly enough. But one had an ounce of warmth (...OK "ounce" is pushing it. It was more like a gill of warmth -an English gill, that is- not an Irish one) and the other was chubby and somewhat blinded by his own self-importance and therefore a lousy diagnostician so he failed on both "handsome" and "competent".

To be a true Matinee Idol Doctor, one must be absolutely perfect. And absolutely cold.

To be fair to chubby-supporting-role-in-a-matinee guy, there was Fellow perched on the counter watching his every move, so he was probably showing off. A medical Fellow, that is not just some guy. Chubby-supporting-role guy said he didn't see any ligamentous laxity in my hands at all. Had I been feeling better at the time, I would have dislocated a few fingers and said "Oh really? that's quite astonishing, because all of the other doctors I have seen -even the pulmonologist- sees it." and shown him up in front of his Fellow (I had already decided that was going to be my only and last visit to chubby-supporting-role-guy). But I didn't. I just mutinously wished the interview over so I could go and feel horribly unwell in peace.

So yeah.. there are few true Matinee Idol Doctors (MIDs Ha!). And I saw mine yesterday.

I first met this guy during the Great Multiple Sclerosis Scare of 2006 (the first ER I was in after the first fit told me to have MS ruled out because I Fit The Criteria -more on that another time). I was referred to him to rule out MS damage to my optic nerves. So that first time, he was peering into my eye with a Very Bright Light and he said "No. I see no multiple sclerosis damage" (I exhaled) "...but I do see nerve damage consistent with glaucoma" (I almost choked). Then he insisted -I mean he absolutely INSISTED that I had a family history of glaucoma, and I helplessly shook my head and said I really didn't think so, and I think I would have known -although I did have one great-aunt who went blind and I would ask the family.

So I called me sister the next day. "does anyone in our family have glaucoma?" The answer was immediate. "Yeah. Da had it. Did you not know that?"

"No. I didn't" But it explained a lot, especially a toturous car ride through Wales.

And it turns out it was not only Da, but his da (who never really admitted it either) also and two of his da's sisters (who did). So yeah. It is kind of rampant in my family. Doctor Matinee Idol was correct.

So I go back to Dr. Matinee idol every year to have me eyes checked and to find out if this is the day I start treatment for glaucoma. I'm supposed to go back every six months, but I honestly don't think I can take Dr. M.I. and his operation on a more than annual frequency right now. Something about that place gives me the heebie-jeebies. I can't place exactly what the problem is. The place is well run and spotless. It is warmly and tastefully decorated. The staff are nice. But I always feel cold and empty as soon as I walk through the door. It's probably the liquid nitrogen effect. I wear my coat through all the testing and the entire examination. The staff all wear long-sleeved sweaters under their color-coordinated (to the decor) scrubs. I don't think there is enough power in the entire grid to warm that place up. I wonder how Mrs Dr Matinee Idol shares his bed. But that's unfair. He's probably perfectly nice, warm and normal outside of work. ...Maybe.

If he wasn't so fuckin competent, I'd change neuro-ophthalmologists (like there are hundreds of them around here) but I do prize competence in a doctor very highly. I'll just bring a warmer coat and gloves to the next visit. Actually, If I am good and do the every-six-months thing the next visit will be in summer. I'm definitely bringing a sweater, at the very least. I'll keep a coat in the car -just in case.

I should get to the point, I suppose. Today is not the day I start glaucoma medication. Hurray!!! My pressure was low (Hmmm) and my condition is stable. The bad news is that he gave the OK for me to start Topamax if #25 thinks it is indicated. I was hoping to dodge that particular bullet. I know I could just lie to #25, but I don't think that is wise with something as important as one's health. I'm not a big truster of people, but you have to try to trust just a little. A few are worthy of it.

The trick is figuring out which few.