Some of my friends and family expressed concern about this blog.
Not about my going public -kinda that, but not really. It was more about the tone and the name. Some have felt that I might empower my illness by writing so profusely about it. Some thought that referring myself as a "sick mother" might become my identity, and they saw that identity as a negative one. And yes, while being a "sick mother" in the literal sense of the term is not a good thing, I reserve the right to apply the concept totally figuratively when I am well (then I'll be a sick mother of two). However, I was glad that my friends expressed their concern, because it means that they love me. One doesn't always feel loved when one is rattling (or shuffling) around the house all day. Except maybe by the dog, and he only loves me because he is afraid of his own shadow and seems to harbor the delusion that I can somehow protect him from it. Or from the wind, of which he is also afraid.
Another interesting side effect of going public is the insights and ideas one receives. Reading about my symptoms can trigger a thought or suggestion in someone. The route to the the rock star electrophysiologiost was paved by a friend whose friend has vasovagal syncope. And while that didn't lead to anything concrete, it added a lot of information to the pot which #25 found very helpful. So you never know...
Just recently, a former colleague who was reading this blog contacted me to say that my symptoms sounded similar to those of his wife's sister's friend. Now my former colleague's wife's sister's friend has a very rare condition indeed. I would never have thought to research it had he not mentioned it, And indeed, there is no way it would have come up in casual conversation. Nothing may come of it, but it is an avenue to research. And it was also nice that he cared enough to tell me about his wife's sister's friend. There are some very solid people out there.
People don't generally talk about their ailments. Not the big ones anyway. They will moan about this sore back or the wrist they sprained when they slipped in the shower. But should they develop anything serious -anything actually worth talking about; let's say cancer- which might be therapeutic to discuss for the person, nevermind educational for the listeners, they clam up like a young child at a convention of School Principals.
I expect they don't want to Burden Other People with their Troubles. Noble, perhaps. But also stupid in my opinion. Pain retained will fester. And it's a shame really. An oppotunity missed, perhaps, because as I said before, there are very solid people out there, and sharing the burden can help more than one person.
So (and you may have noticed this already) I have no compunction about Burdening Other People. I'll burden you all I want: My right foot is completely numb, my head is killing me and I have had the trots since last week. If that information Burdens you, then that is your problem. Leave this site now and go watch something artificially cheery like the US mainstream news.
I don't see 'sick mother' as a negative connotation. Like you said, it's more of an uncomfortable reminder for them. People minimize my daughter's epilepsy, her chiari, her autism with encouraging platitudes as easily as they can breathe.
But when I embrace the daily practicality of what those diagnoses entail for her, it gives me back my power. I agree about the power of being positive but...
A fart is still a fart even if everyone in the room pretends it's not there. LOL
Posted by: LR | November 28, 2007 at 05:58 PM