Why I Hate the Slow "No"

Many years ago, back when I was a contributing member of Society, as opposed to a Sick Mother leading a chronic illness half-life; I worked in a large firm preforming strategic business analysis: i.e. I looked at the market, the competition and the products available, and I tried to figure out what products and initiatives we could release to get an edge over the competition. A lot of my job involved interfacing with the Legal department, because I always had to be sure that my ideas were legal and not in violation of any industry regulations.

I remember one initiative I had, which would have been a great money maker, languished in Legal for several weeks. Finally, after chasing it down, I got hold of a person who looked it over and said "oh we can't do this. It is in violation of SEC regulation 2255b" (OK I made that number up, but you get the picture). 

I was seriously pissed. Not that my initiative was rejected, but because it took so long to be rejected. It was obvious to me that it had languished in Legal -unread- for weeks, until I had chased it. So I wrote a long memo to the head of the Legal department which said in effect "If you are going to say "No", make it a fast "No". I understand if a proposal is potentially viable, it may be a slow "Yes". But if it is an obvious "No" please make it a fast "No" so we don't waste time structuring it further and can move on to other things".

The lawyer who had sat on the proposal for weeks went ballistic when she found out I had effectively complained to her boss. I got a huge memo from her outlining why she had said no. She missed the point completely. My point was not that she had said "no". I appreciated her knowledge and insights. My problem was that she had sat on it for  weeks -unread, before finally saying "no" after glancing on it (with stuff like that, the legal pitfalls are usually obvious to a lawyer straightaway). Had she even looked at it when it was first submitted, she wold have seen the problem rightaway and not lost me weeks of planning.

So the point of this story:

On January 14th I asked my doctor to make a phone call for me about a test.  He sat on it. I nudged him again about it when I saw him in person a couple of weeks ago.  He promised he would make the call "but it would take about a week" OK fine. I needed him to do it over two weeks ago, but I didn't want to pressure him.Yesterday, I got an e-mail from him. He is not going to make the phone call.

This is a classic example of a slow "No" and the main reason why I hate it.

Had my doc told me back in January that he was unwilling to make that call, I would have either found someone else to do it, or I would have dropped the idea and moved on. However I made plans based on the assumption that he was going to make that call (because he told me he was going to make it!). He didn't do it and now my plans are wrecked.

I am very angry.

And confused. I understand why sometimes you get a slow "Yes". Often more research is needed before a "yes" (and sometimes a "no") can be returned. But in with a decision like this, - a request for a favor, there is no excuse for a slow "No". You say "no" rightaway, or you do it eventually.  You don't sit on it for a month and then say no.

It's not about doctoring, lawyering or business at all, but a simple mater of common courtesy

I honestly feel like quoting my late grandmother here and asking what the world is coming to, but I will refrain.

I reckon whatever it is coming to for me; it always was for some.

Comments

[yanub]

It is cruel for people in health related fields, especially, to do what you are so aptly calling the "slow no." They don't have the courage to say in the first place what they will really do, and expect that, due to health problems, the person making the request won't follow up so they can just let it drop.

[Carleen]

Gawd, how I hate this kind of crap! Why is it so hard for people to say no immediately when they know they have no intention of following through on a falsely made promise? If you don't want to do something, just say so already and be done with it!

[One Sick Mother]

I'm glad you guys get where I'm coming from on this.

Thanks.

[fridawrites]

Yeah, people need to admit to themselves upfront what they're willing or not willing to do. They'd save themselves time too.

[virginia bennett]

Good topic, OSM...as usual!!

[Lisa Moon]

Oooh, well said - I mean, just reading this I'm POed enough that I don't think I could have said it this clearly!

That doctor - what a wimp! As others have said, why didn't he just tell you in the first place?!

Cowardly and weak - no professionalism! :(