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May 16, 2009


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Just to make you feel a little better here, there are more than a few holes in Kulber-Ross' theory on the stages of grief, so it's not a given that you'll head, Anne of Green Gables style, into the depths of despair. :)

That said, perhaps morphing the anger into curiosity might help. Anger can be quite tiring and often debilitating, but curiosity (ok, forget the whole killing the cat thing) can achieve the same results. Heck, sometimes curiosity can even rouse up some anger when needed. Like the missing medical records for example. Out of curiosity, you could have called the doctor's office to find out what happened. And when you got some dumb-ass response, you could have been righteously pissed. :)

I say channel your inner Alice until things get "curiouser and curiouser."


Yes, it's difficult when you don't have it--it's difficult to be as persistent with insurance companies rather than being persistent or ponying up money of your own you don't really have. It is more emotionally comfortable.

This happens with activism too--people get tired or burned out.

David Byrden

>> "There are more than a few holes in
>> Kulber-Ross' theory on the stages of grief"

Wow! What a blow!
So... when she heard that, what did she go through?

Lisa Moon

Good point, Carleen, about morphing anger into curiosity. I've been thinking something similar for some time, after mulling over several blogs' anger... issues? Use?
Actually, I think it was more the term 'fighting' that made me pause. When do you STOP fighting and how do you know when you've 'won'? Also, it sounds exhausting and it IS!
I feel this might be similar in this way and I've had my own experience - mine at the hands of a workers' compensation system which disallowed my ongoing claim. For some time what seemed to fuel me was outright rage; how DARE they do this?! They are supposed to HELP me, protect me! And when I received diagnoses (yes, plural - same diagnosis, multiple docs) which said I did SO have a problem, I felt somewhat vindicated... and received some justice at the hands of a tribunal.
But by this point I realised that rage had dissipated; I'm still *outraged* that the system is so messed up as to do this to honestly, seriously injured workers, yet I could no longer hold up my own fury at this giant, faceless machine of a system that is not rejecting me personally (though it sure felt like it!) but it is MADE to work this way now!

My rambling pseudo-point? Perhaps your rage is morphing, as Carleen is saying, into something else; curiostity? Still insistent on getting to the bottom of things, but unwilling to expend the considerable energy of being ANGRY all the time on a system which is cold and impersonal?

As Frida notes, activists do tend to get burned out... years of fighting and feeling like they're not getting anywhere... but I hope you can try and keep the perspective that you ARE getting somewhere, there IS hope and you WILL find some answers eventually.

I hope every day for you that those answers come soon and that patience and treatments in the meantime are available for your needs.

Thank you for your ongoing honesty and always enthralling posts. You inspire me with each read.


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