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November 23, 2009


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Um. Why didn't you tell him to start with that you were going to show him how the batteries can be taken out and put back in? I mean, if I, say, was talking to my dad about how my car is a lot of stress, and he went over to it and started removing the perfectly good tires without telling me why, I would be freaked out. I wouldn't hit him over the head, but I'd probably start hollering at him. And wouldn't be all that impressed if his answer at long last was that he was going to show me how to change a tire.

I wonder if it would help if he had a rule that he is to call as soon as he needs to be picked up, and not to turn off the phone until he is picked up? What kind of phone-use rule have you already suggested to him?

One Sick Mother

Yes Yanub, you are right. I should have said something. That is what I meant when I said you can fool your mother part of the time. Because Joe has made such remarkable progress, I sometimes forget how autistic his thinking still is.

One slip could have been all it took...

The rule is that he turns on the phone when school is out, and leaves it on until he is home (at least until he is home). For some reason, he thinks he knows better and that some unknown criterion that *he* has set is more important than that particular Rule.


Can he think of rules in categories, such as the biggest rule is that you can't harm someone else, no matter what's going on? That that is something that can't be undone? I would have been very unnerved!

David Byrden

OSM, I have never dropped my mobile. I got a neck strap (from STRAPYA.COM).
Well actually, I have dropped it, but it's never got past my waist. I tend to dial, drop, and retrieve after 30 seconds.

Regarding Joe, have you ever had pets? The soft skills could be somewhere in his head, awaiting a trigger.


Hey, I just revived, at an odd time. I can understand Joe - and my suggestion is go older tech, get him a pager, that sings. The pager tells him when to turn on the phone. The phone gets turned into a routine (when home put phone in recharger, when leaving put phone in backpack, put pager on belt).

This is my interpretation, which, not being around Joe can be wildly wrong. But if not, then it may help.

Sometimes there are no shades of grey.

a) Joe loves you
b) Joe trusts you unconditionally
c) If you say something is important, then it is important. Every time you emphasis the importance, you indicate this is very important, this is tied to your love. That if this is messed up, you will be disappointed.
d) Joe does not want to disappoint you (which is why he tells you the truth - he realizes he HAS disappointed you and to decieve you would only make the disappointment/failure to uphold the Rules worse.
e) If in doubt, do what is least likely to disappoint.

Joe is responsible for the phone, Joe is responsible to have it on him, Joe is responsible to make sure it is charged, if it is NOT charged, then you can NEVER contact him or vice versa. This would be the ultimate failure. Joe is responsible for the minutes on the phone.

If he does not turn on the phone until needed you should be happier than if his phone dies.

The phone is directly tied to you, and if ANYONE, ANYONE destroys the phone and he lets them, then he has He has failed.

You start destroying the phone.

Joe reviews: What is the most important thing? Protect the phone. What is the most important thing to my mother? Protect the phone. I asked if she was taking it apart and she said she was. I must protect the phone. Maybe this is a test, maybe she is insane, but one thing I know - I am responsible to stop ANYONE from taking the phone apart, if I allow anyone to take phone apart I have failed OSM. ergo - stop the person taking the phone apart.

Okay, it happened that OSM mother was the person taking the phone apart. But you talked about protecting and keeping phones safe and not your head (You might want to talk about when to walk away during a mugging, if this thought process is correct). Joe obeyed you. He was totally loyal to you. A person larger than him was taking the phone apart, how to stop them...? A plan, implimented. He was being GOOD. He did exactly what you told him to do, protect the phone.

He wasn't hitting his mother or hating his mother, he was loving and obeying his mother - protect the phone. It just happened you were the person who was doing it.

Growing up in a cult where you hear a lot about father's going to cut the sons throat and burn the body because of obedience and love - and being told that total and absolute obedience was needed at all times, well that is the filter (by the way, the one where the father kills his first born daughter becuase he told God he would kill whatever came though the doorway first out of love of God was another popular one).

Did that help, or was that obvious already, or am I in a different boat?

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