One Sick Mother

New Adventures in Food

Grace announced a few weeks ago that has been having stomach cramps and gas shortly after meals. She thinks she might be lactose intolerant. Himself's first question was "are any of your friends lactose intolerant?" The answer to this was yes. Of course, yes! This is America in the 21st century. So Himself chalked it down to an attention thing. Or a 'fitting in' thing. But not a digestive thing.

I wasn't so sure. Grace has known this other girl for years and her lactose intolerance had been a source of pity rather than awe.  After all, what kid is envious of a girl who can't eat icecream? 

 So we cut out dairy and made a doctor's appointment. Cutting out dairy helped ...somewhat, but not as much as I'd hoped. I figured maybe there was hidden dairy in some of the foods to which she reacted. 

Then -after weeks (hoilday season)- the doctor finally called back with the results of her celiac panel. "All clear except one test. I'd like you to try her without gluten for awhile and see how she does"

Like it's that easy.

I broke the news to Grace. She was OK with no bread. She could live with no pasta. However the prosptct of losing cookies, banana bread and brownies made her face fall. We concentrated on stuff she can have (remember we are still holding off on dairy for now): rice, corn, beans, meat, fish eggs, chicken, salads; all fruits and vegetables. "Oh!" she said. "Thats' a very healthy diet."

Indeed it is.

I would have liked more time to plan. I am a decent cook, but a lot of my fearlessness in the kitchen comes from always having a plan B. If my latest experiment is inedible to one or both kids, I can throw together a noodle bowl or defrost one of my more edible creations in just a few minutes. Or if all else fails, we can run to Wendys. 

So I would have liked time to build up  a few solid dishes that I can make with my eyes closed; to find a few alternative culinary safety nets  and to explore some of the substitutions/sites. I had found that an oil-based roux worked almost as happily as a butter based one, but now I have to cook without a roux to bail me out. Little things like that.

On Monday, Grace came home complaining that her stomach has hurt after both breakfast and lunch. I know what she had for breakfast. I had cooked it. There had been no dairy, but she had eaten bread. And her lunch was the same: dairy-free but on a hamburger bun. 

So I decided right then to just go gluten free and wing it. Pulled a stew out of the freezer for dinner and changed plans for the rest of the week. We've been eating a lot of rice.  Paella and risotto were on the menu so far this week. I already found a refrigerator standby for Grace: an Italian white-bean salad.  So if she doesn't like my dinner, she won't starve. I found soem gluten-free bread to keep in the freezer too, but I plan to make my own.

I choose to look at this as an opportunity to explore new food horizons, rather than whine about stuff we can't eat. There will be plenty of Indian food in our future, too. And tasty Thai rice noodles. Lots of people live just fine without eating lasagna. Not Garfield, of course.

...but he's a cartoon.

I'l try adding dairy back into Grace's diet soon. If she doesn't react that will be a great thing. Ice cream  and yogurt will be back on the menu for her.  

The baking thing, though: I'll have to figure that one out. But it's an adventure, not a challenge, Right?

RIGHT?

Brown Bread Adventures

Recently, I have been craving brown soda bread, like we used to get at home in Ireland when I was growing up. Not a bad thing to crave; soda bread is very healthy; whole grain, low fat, delicious.

This craving started with a combination of a few things. After the Stove Woes of Thanksgiving (a story for another day) I finally -after 12 years in this house- have an oven in which I am willing to bake something a bit more involved than packaged brownies. And I found out that a beloved aunt had died back in Ireland, which made me sad, nostalgic and craving comfort food.

So I determined to bake myself some soda bread.  I have great memories of Mother Francis in the convent orphanage mixing up large industrial batches of brown bread by hand; apparently weighing and measuring nothing, but the bread came out perfect each time.  Those afternoons in the big convent kitchen where she baked, a few of us kids keeping her company and helping in small ways, are some of the warmest memories of my childhood.  

And I have a great book 

Which I got on sale when Borders was closing. I highly recommend it, BTW.  The French Onion Soup is to die for. There are a few recipes therein for brown soda bread (and yeast bread, homemade butter and .....loads of interesting stuff). Darina Allen advocates using sour milk in brown bread. Not milk that has lemon juice added, but spoiled milk. She says it is the old-fashioned way and that it gives a better flavour than buttermilk (which is the common substitution). I remember this clearly. I remember Mother Francis reserving the "gone off" milk for use in the soda bread ("Waste not, want not. There are starving children in Biafra"). OK fine.  Spoiled milk it is.

I found some half&half that had been bought for Thanksgiving and only half-used lurking in the back of the fridge. The expiry date was  December 16th. I found it on December 27th. Great! I took a whiff. It smelled perfectly fine; fresh, creamy delicious. Not a whiff of sourness. I left it out overnight. The next day it STILL smelled great. And the day after. At that point I posted a rant on Facebook, and several of my friends left comments to the tune of "Are you out of your mind? You'll poison yourself!". But of course, I knew better. I had eaten bread made with spoiled milk in Ireland in the 70s and I was FINE (mind you, that milk only took a day or two to spoil). The bread would be baked in a (working!) 400 degree oven, which would kill any unpleasantness, anyway. Right?  

What could go wrong?

On the third day out in the warm kitchen, kept  close to the radiator, the half&half was finally starting to whiff and separate. So I made me bread. It rose beautifully, smelled gorgeous, was a bit crumbly from the extra fat in the half&half, but tasted delicious! I was so proud of myself! I had gotten up early to jab the cat, and had stayed up to bake bread. It was 9:30am, I had fresh bread from the oven for breakfast and the whole day ahead of me.  

And then I had the biggest  seizure I have had in a long time. Five hours blown. And when I came back, I felt horrible; weak, tired, shaky and running a fever of 101.5. 

"BUT IT WASN"T THE BREAD!" I insisted, while banning the other family members from trying it. "Mind you, I'm afraid to have more, in case I seze again" I admitted to Himself. "Have some more at bedtime", was his unhelpful reply, which to my addled brain made perfect sense. That way, if it did make me seize again, it was while the Monsters were sleeping, and I would lose no more of the day. He caught me eating it at bedtime and was all "WTF? I was JOKING!", but by then most of the slice was down me gullet, anyway.

It did make me seize again. Not fun. The next morning, I threw that bread out. 

And I thought about what I learned from this:

I learned that American commercially-produced milk of today, is a lot different than Irish commercially- produced milk of the 1970s, and indeed, different to Darina Allen's Irish organic-farm-produced milk of today. Which makse sense if you think about it (as I did after the fact); these days, cows are given a horrifying amount of antibiotics, so there is no bacteria in the milk to spoil it quickly. Therefore, the stuff that is going to hang around and eventually spoil it for you, is probably the really, REALLY nasty shit -that is probably antiobiotic resistant. 

I'm lucky I only seized.

The other thing I learned; -and I don't know how useful this wil be- is that I have actually found a single food that will produce a seizure. One of the most frustrating things about this journey has been the inconsistencies. Food makes me seize, yes. But I have never been able to identify any particular food that would do it (except a large dose of sugar after a fast, as in a Gloucose Tolerance Test). A meal I could eat with no consequences one day, would make me seize violently on another. This makes it very difficult to control my seizures via diet. 

And I learned that if intelligent people you respect tell you a plan is stupid, it probably is. OK I knew that already, but apparently I forgot it in my obsessive nostalgia.

There is a happy ending: 

I baked this non-toxic speciman yesterday.  It didn't rise quite so beautifully, but it didn't make me sick, either.

Buttermilk, baby.

 

Judith Stew

As someone who has been plagiarized in the past, I have been following the whole "Cooks Source" and Judith Griggs saga with keen interest, particuarly on Facebook, where the commentary and web page changes have been way better than the telly. On one of the pages a presumed "Judith" requested some beef recipes, and here is the recipe I created for her, in the form of an open letter. Facebook wont allow wall posts of more than 1,000 characters, so I had to post it piecemeal. Here it is in full for those who are interested:

 

You asked for a beef recipe. I have a beef stew on the stove right now. You see, I like to cook.  It allows me to keep my hands busy while my mind roams. I can concentrate and reflect at the same time, you know?

While I made my stew, I thought of you, Judith. I think we are probably alike in many ways. I'd imagine you take as much care as I do to trim the as much fat and gristle from the beef as possible  and to cut it into bite-sized chunks.

To dredge or not to dredge? That's the first question with stew, isn't it?  Some people don't believe one should dredge the cubes in flour before you brown them. Indeed, some people don't believe you should brown the meat at all. Personally, I always brown, but only sometimes dredge. I decided that this would be a "dredging" stew, as there has been quite a lot of dredging going on around here; -not all of it good. I seasoned the flour with some garlic and onion salt, some regular salt and both black and white pepper (you need both, as the black pepper falls down to the bottom). I mixed it well before dredging the cubes of beef. Then I placed them  to brown in batches in some hot canola oil.

It is a lovely day to cook. The newly denuded maple tree now allows the sun to dream in the kitchen window, warming my right shoulder like the hand of a friend.  The smell of seasoned beef permeates the kitchen and my children emerge, one at a time to ask what's for lunch. "This is dinner." I reply. "There are leftovers for lunch". They accept this and one helps to heat the leftovers. I have great kids. 

As the cubes of beef sizzled and changed colour, I planned ahead. Would  I add tomatoes this time? I normally don't to a dredging stew. In my head I have some "stew rules"; like no tomatoes in a dredged stew, and  no mushrooms, barley or carrots if tomatoes are present. Maybe these are silly rules, but that is how I always made beef stew. I decided that as you are clearly a rulebreaker, I would throw caution to the wind and break some of my own rules. If I want to dredge and add tomatoes, mushrooms AND carrots, then I will; begrudgers be damned.  Thank you, Judith for freeing me from my stew restraints.

Just let me clarify what I mean by "rulebreaker" in this context:  When I say "rulebreaker". I mean ballsy woman who may flaunt conventional norms, as opposed to "lawbreaker", which is a completely different kettle of ... stew.   I don't think you deliberately set out to break the law. In fact, I think you honestly and utterly believed that your business practice of "lifting" content from the internet was ...OK. Maybe not the done thing;  but as you credited the articles (I think), then it was OK. There is no way you could have been so demeaning and high-handed to Monica Gaudio  had you not believed you were at least mostly in the right.   

When all the meat was browned, I rough-chopped two large onions and about five celery stalks. I threw them with the all the browned meat into the pot. I added about two teaspoons of chopped garlic.  I stirred and watched the vegetables start to soften, releasing their juices to make a kind of roux. Then I added  a large can of tomatoes, which I had rough chopped and some store-bought (sorry, it was all I had) beef broth.

 Time for seasoning: A good pour of Worcestershire (did you know it is pronounced "Wooster"?) sauce, some salt, pepper and about two teaspoons of sweet red paprika. I am out of fresh herbs, so I had to use dried;  I poured some sage and thyme into my hand  to measure, a little hill the size of a quarter for sage, two of them for thyme.

My stew is cooking in it's own juices now, Judith

And so are you.  You must be in a frenzy wrapped in a turmoil, feeling misunderstood and put upon. You must have spent many hours on the internet in the past few days, watching this storm brew and trying to deflect and brazen your way out of it. But you can't. You probably don't even understand what all the fuss is about and why so many people are after you (but I bet it is starting to sink in).

You're a strong character, Judith. That much I can tell. However, there is a big difference between being a strong character and having strength of character.  It is strength of character you lack. Had you strength of character you would have owned your mistake and apologized. You would not have become defensive and compounded your error(s).

I realized all this while making beef stew. So here is my advice to you: Get off the internet and if you truly love to cook, go and do so. And while you are cooking: think. Think long and hard about your next moves.

But don't make any until you have eaten the food you cooked. Maybe it will calm you and give you perspective.

And on my stew:  I plan to  add carrots about 30 minutes before serving and to serve it with boiled potatoes and some crusty bread with Irish butter.

I am going to call this recipe Judith Stew and I am hereby making it freely available to be copied and pasted all over the Internet; but only if the original text is kept intact.

Enjoy.

*Note: I left the original text intact but my carrots were too "al dente" this way. If anyone is making Judith Stew, it is best to add the carrots earlier, either at the beginning, or about an hour before serving.

And Waiting...

Remember that old Diana Ross song, "I'm still waiting"?  Well, that has been going through my head recently, despite the fact that I hate it.  Now don't get me wrong, it is a lovely song and all. You know the story, right?  A little girl has a crush on an older neighborhood kid and he tells her not to bother. And then he moves away and tells her

"Little girl
Please don't wait for me
Wait patiently for love.
Someday will surely come.."

And of course she doesn't listen.  She waits for him. And as far as I know, she is waiting still.

Because - and I realized this years later, -after I grew a clue. He's GAY!  She can wait until Hell freezes over, gets hot again and then freezes AGAIN, and he's STILL not going to be interested.

...and that's why I hate that song. 

So I heard back from #30 about the whole brain scan thingy. It is a study, won't cost me a bean for the scans (which is good because Insurance won't cover), and maybe some of the other stuff is covered (even better).  However, they are waiting for Board approval or somesuch red tape so I need to hang out some more until that comes through. #30 was very apologetic about the waiting, which was nice of him. However, I don't like hanging around when I could be getting answers.  So we had a conversation which went something like this:

Me: "You know, I'm still confused as to why -if this is CFS- do I feel so much better when I eat hardly anything at all? Yesterday I only ate a few crackers every few hours and I felt great. No episodes at all.  Is that normal for CFS? (subtext: unless you rule everything else out, I won't fit the criteria for your study).

#30:  "That's Interesting. I'll tell you what: While we are waiting for the approval to come through, why dont' we go ahead and schedule a Glucose Tolerance Test to get your glucose and Insulin levels.  Because you know; -just recently I had a woman with that very thing..." (Subtext: Good point. I don't want you buggering up my CFS study if you have a metabolic problem.  Let's rule that out before we get started...)

Ahhhh. The old give-and-take of the negotiating table. How I missed it! 

My GTT is scheduled for tomorrow.

Some Worrying Developments

One day, a few weeks ago, Joe and I went to IHOP (that's International House of Pancakes in case you don't live over here) for breakfast and some mother-son time.  Grace had spent the night at a friend's house and Himself wanted to sleep. So it was just the two of us. When I asked Joe what he would like for breakfast, a little gleam came into his eye:
"Actually, I was thinking I'd like to go out for breakfast."
"OK" said I (walking straight into his litle trap), Where would you like to go"
"I was thinking I'd like to go to IHOP" he said, a tad over-casually. 

So we went to IHOP.  I'm a sucker, I know.  But Joe doesn't actually ask for much, so I do like to indulge him every now and again. And I like some of the food at IHOP.

Joe discovered they have crepes with nutella and banana, which he ordered "without the strawberry stuff" (quite right too. strawberry stuff is complete overkill, if you ask me).

We put away rather a large, sugar laden breakfast. On the way home, I wanted to pop into Trader Joe's to pick something up.  I was searching for a parking space when Joe said -out of the blue, in a serious voice:
"Oh. It's starting"
I glanced back at him and he looked uncomfortable. "What's starting?"  I asked him.
"Sometimes, when I eat a big meal, I get very sleepy."

Uh-oh.

That was my first symptom. It progressed into after a big meal, I feel horrible and fall asleep. and then to after a big meal, I feel horrible and have a massive fit and people call 911.

OK: Maybe it is common-or garden food coma, and I am over-reracting. But I resolved to watch him more closely.

Then I noticed another thing a few times: At dinnertime, Joe has been emptying and refilling his cup a LOT. He mentioned it to me in passing one evening: "I get very, very thirsty at night".

So do I. Intermittent polydipsia (excessive thirst and fluid intake) and polyuria (what goes in exessively, must come out excessively) have been ongoing and unexplained problems of mine for the past couple of years.

Of course, all this could be coincidental. It could be an active child forgetting to drink in the heat of summer and then at dinertime, his body strongly reminds him.

But my radar has been tripped and I am going to watch him closely.

And hope that whatever is going on with him: He doesn't have whatever-it-is that I have.

Fat and Happy?

I have a childhood memory of someone -probably an aunt, telling people "I'm fat, but I'm happy".  It is an expression that stuck with me, because it seems so contrary to all of the perceptions and indeed, most of the published data on obesity.

But my aunt's words have been resonating in my brain a lot recently, because:

1. I have gained weight. 
2. I have been feeling better; having fewer seizures and other neuro symptoms.  Therefore, I have been "happier". 

Now, the above two facts may not be related. They could be completely coincidental.  However, I don't think they are. I have written numerous times that I KNOW my fits are related to food and eating. I was wondering if maybe when my body is in "fat storing" mode, rather than "fat burning" mode; if there is something; -some chemical reaction, which does or does not occur that might trigger a seizure event?

It is an interesting question.

Unfortunately, I am not sure how to answer it:  How does one test for that stuff? To whom would I turn?  I am stuck in the old space, where I will ask an endocrinologist, only to be told to see  neurologist, and if I ask the neurologist, he will tell me to see an endocrinologist.

And there is the other dilemma.  Unlike my aunt, who may or may not have been lying: I am NOT happy to be fat. I am the heaviest I have been since pregnant with my second child, and I hate it.  But the fear is there: if I go back to low carb: -the only way I can successfully reduce and maintain my weight: will the fits return in earnest? 

Actually, scratch that. I know they WILL return. There is not  shadow of doubt in my mind. It will just be a question of when will they return?  And then what?

Dilemmas, dilemmas. 

*sigh*

They never end.

Oslo Health Solutions: Preying On The Sick Part III

I'm kind of sick talking about these people by now, to be honest with you. I have devoted hours and hours of rather nauseating research to Oslo Health Solutions and their claims. There are many, many more hours of work that could be done; -just on the Internet alone, before one starts on private and other channels, but I don't have the resources for it, financially,  physically or spiritually.

But there are two areas I do want to explore:  How people like this might think, because it seems to me,  their thought processes are very different than us trusting honest normal people. Maybe getting into their brains a little will help us to beware of others of their ilk.

And I also want to let you know how you can fight back; against people like this in general and against Oslo Health Solutions (OHS) in particular.  Because let's face it: Oslo Health Solutions run a pretty despicable operation and they need to be stopped.  Now.

So how do they think they can get away with it?  I have thought about this and I think I figured out a few um ....principles for Internet fraud.

1. Lie Big:
   It is a concept con-men have down cold, but one that most decent people can't get their heads around:  If you are going to lie to people: Lie big. Don't bend or massage the truth.  People are expecting that. Most normal people lie small, They exaggerate or use words like "almost" or "virtual".  But the truth is usually somewhere underneath. People expect this and watch out for exaggerations and small lies. People generally don't expect a lie to be totally bald-faced and to have no relation to the truth. Therefore we see the grandiose claims OHS make and we expect there is some truth to them. This is why OHS were so smart in their pitch. They understood this and therefore they sold so high, but delivered so low, they seem to have flown right underneath most radars.  
    
2. Divide and Conquer: 
   People with specific illnesses don't generally go looking for herbal treatments for other illnesses, so if one product was exposed as a fraud, then it is just that one out of ...what?  ...about 60 now that I have found?... I figure OHS simply dump the product that was exposed, find a new disease, re-brand the website and labels as "new disease-Tab" and then carry on selling the exact same product to a different market.
   
   I guess OHS didn't expect anyone to search on more than one or two of the diseases they cover. The must have figured that chances that someone would work out that they are selling  the same list of ingredients as  a completely guaranteed and clinically proven herbal treatment for up to nineteen (19) different conditions, from teething troubles to Multiple System Atrophy (MSA), which is generally fatal within two years of diagnosis (Elizabeth at Screw Bronze! has MSA. Read her blog if you want some graphic descriptions of what it does to one .... and   -Quick! give her some shallots and Red Earth!  That'll be bound to cure her...)
   
   
3. Avoid well-organized groups:
   There is No MS-Tab, no Breast Cancer-Tab, no Autism or Aspie-Tab, no Alzheimer's-Tab and I think there is a very good reason for this. It is probably the same reason Cardio-tab no longer exists:  These conditions are highly public and have well-populated organizations and lots of support groups surrounding them, the jig would be up pretty quickly with most of these conditions. -I was actually surprised to find MD-tab, Leukotab and Parkotab, as they are also quite well organized too.  
    
4. Use the Global Market to confuse your  umm... "customers":
   If you set up shop based out of a small, little understood country in Scandinavia, then ship your product from Pakistan, most normal sick people won't be able to figure out how to take action against you from halfway around the world... 
   
   But keep reading.  I have found a fair bit of information on this.

I have two imaginary scenarios for who could be behind Oslo Health Solutions:  In the first one, it is a couple of teenagers, now young men, who started it as little more than a lark out of someone's bedroom, not fully comprehending the real lives that could be effected behind the illness they researched on-line to create new markets for a Pakistani Hemorrhoid preparation.

It the other scenario, it was started very deliberately by adults who have no regard for others, knew exactly what they were doing and are in this game to make money, not caring at all who gets hurt in the process.

Regardless, it is wrong.

Several people asked me, both in comments and through other channels, if we could inform the FDA about this. I don't think the FDA has any interest, as natural remedies and herbal supplements are not very regulated here in the US. However, they might be interested to investigate if they thought Americans were being sold Strychnine as a supposed cure for Parkinson's disease.   I will look into this.

However, FDA aside (for now), the Norwegian government DOES regulate (and tax!) natural remedies. It falls under the jurisdiction of the Norwegian Medicines Agency, and they have an English version of their website, and of their contacts page (how cool is that?), complete with e-mail addresses, so you can send the links directly. I love Scandinavian efficiency!

Now, I suspect that Oslo Health Solutions are trying to get around some of the European laws and regulations governing sales of herbal remedies as well as false advertising laws by manufacturing and shipping their product from Pakistan. 

However, Pakistan now has the Electronic Transaction Ordinance (2002) which protect consumers in electronic commercial transactions, such as buying poison from Pakistan. More interestingly, there is the 2007 Electronic Crime Ordinance which has this interesting clause, potentially punishable by death:

17. Cyber terrorism. -

a. Any person, group or organization who, with terroristic intent utilizes, accesses or causes to be accessed a computer or computer network or electronic system or electronic device or by any available means, and thereby knowingly engages in or attempts to engage in a terroristic act commits the offence of cyber terrorism.

Explanation1: For the purposes of this section the expression “terroristic intent” means to act with the purpose to alarm, frighten, disrupt, harm, damage, or carry out an act of violence against any segment of the population, the Government or entity associated therewith...."

Do you think that selling Strychnine to Parkinson's patients over the Internet could be interpreted as "Intent to harm, damage or carry an act of violence against a segment of the population..." (what we in America would call a hate crime)?  I think it could be.  

Interesting stuff, eh? 

Now: Of the sites I investigated (and I have to admit that a few, such as Inisitab, and Abdotab were late additions to the party) the vast majority claimed to be run our of Norway, from this address:

Oslo Health Solutions

Oslo Health Solutions
Suite 329
Youngstorget
NO-0028 Olso
Norway

There are a few exceptions, Some had no address whatsoever, but when you click on the "order now" , button, it comes up as Oslo Health Solutions. These included Raynotab, Guillatab, Clearotab,

...and a few products seemed to be run out of the UK, from corporations (...or are they? "Inc" is not a UK corporation suffix  "Ltd" or "plc" are the norm over there.  ...Hmmmm.)  supposedly operating over there.  Note the addresses are all exactly the same.

Vertigo Tab Inc
Suite 10 & 11
Siddeley House
50 Canbury Park Road
Kingston Upon Thames
Surrey - KT2 6LX
UK

Anemia Tab Inc
Suite 10 & 11
Siddeley House
50 Canbury Park Road
Kingston Upon Thames
Surrey - KT2 6LX
UK

Psoriasis Tab Inc
Suite 10 & 11
Siddeley House
50 Canbury Park Road
Kingston Upon Thames
Surrey - KT2 6LX
UK

Vitiligo Tab was the one which had buried its tracks particularly well. No address, no telltale "Oslo Health Solutions" banner on the order form. The Web site was registered to a "Charls Dickens" (sic)  of

Berkeley Square House,
W1J 6BD
London,  W1J 6BD
United Kingdom

In the UK, companies making false claims over the Internet are regulated by  The Trading Standards Institute.  Vitigilo tab is claiming that "Vitiligo Tab is our 100% guaranteed and clinically proven permanent cure for Vitiligo" (my emphasis). Psoriasis Tab and Vertigo Tab also claim a "100% cure", whereas Anemia Tab claims a "completely guaranteed and clinically proven herbal treatment for Anemia".  Are these false claims?  I dunno, but I think they should be investigated by the appropriate parties.

So what you do is this: You go to their site and enter the postcode

for the guys against whom you wish to complain, which is KT2 6LX  or W1J 6BD (for Charls Dickens) and you follow the instructions from there.

Little people can fight back, you know. We just need to get the right muscle on our side.

Oslo Health Solutions: Preying On The Sick Part II

This is Part II of my little exploration of a unscrupulous company who takes advantage of sick people by selling them herbal remedies under false pretenses. In part I, I told you about the products sold by Oslo Health Solutions, which is by far the worst offender out there that I have found. In Part II, I am sticking with Oslo Health Solutions, and concentrating on the ingredients they claim are beneficial for a very wide variety of serious ailments. I am uncovering new and interesting information every day, none of it good.

 I promised you an analysis of the formulations that Oslo Health Solutions (OHS) purport to use for the various ailments that they purport to treat.  I performed this exercise a couple of years ago on the Syrotab formulation, what I am now calling "Formulation 1" herein, as it is touted not only for the "guaranteed treatment of Syringomelia" (a condition which cause hideous pain, disablement and eventual death), but as a "guaranteed treatment" for several conditions, including Post-Polio syndrome (potentially crippling), Osteomyelitis (potentially fatal) , Peripheral Neuropathy (often treatable if the underlying cause is located) and Muscular Dystrophy (both crippling AND fatal).  My little analysis at the time was done for fun, and it was amusing-if-a-little-scary then. Looking back and knowing what  I now know, Formulation 1

The main ingredients are listed as

Magnesium Murakab
Zinc Murakab
Berberis aristate
Ext Egg Shell Calcium
Sulphur
Substituted olive Oil

The exact proportion of each ingredient has been deliberately kept secret to avoid imitations of our confidential formula.

LETS BREAK THIS DOWN, SHALL WE?

Magnesium Murakab, Zinc Murakab
I could not find any information on these specific formulations of magnesium and zinc. So I looked up the work “Murakab”:

It is an Islamic concept meaning “complex ignorance” See the following explanation:

The classical ulama of Islam divided ignorance into two parts; namely; simple (basiit) ignorance and complex (murakab) ignorance. In simple ignorance one knows that one does not know whereas in complex ignorance one does not know that one does not know. Often people who do not have book knowledge, i.e., those who did not have the chance to study at universities are characterized by simple ignorance. This type of ignorance is not as deadly as complex ignorance since one does not have the arrogance and the pride that often accompanies the thought of considering oneself ’educated’.

Hmmm. Something smelled bad. So I kept looking down the ingredients list:

Berberis aristate Ext: OK this is actually something, though misspelled.  It is extract from the plant Berberis Aristata, English name Tree Tumeric, the root of which has antibiotic and anti-inflammatory properties. (To my eyes, They will need all the anti-inflammatory properties they can get to counterbalance that "Murakab" jab.)

Egg Shell Calcium (quoi? I know eggshells won't do any harm if ground up finely, but I don't think the type of calcium found in eggshells is can be absorbed by humans)

Sulphur:  (in what form? and some people are allergic to sulphur -where's the warning?)

Substituted olive Oil: Substituted for what? Or more interestingly; what was substituted for olive oil?

My summary at the time:

Should I ever get the urge to sprinkle my breakfast eggs with tree tumeric, sulphur and complex ignorance, then eat them shells and all, I will let you guys know how I get on. In the meantime,. I think that anyone with Syringomyelia or other conditions should save their money to apply to real medical expenses.

("Had the effectiveness of Syrotab not been proven beyond any doubt, it would not be "possible for us to make such a bold claim")

Formulation 2:

The main ingredients, according to Oslo Health Solutions are:

Berberis aristata D.C Ext.
Melia azadirachta Linn Seed
Raphanus satirus Linn
Melia azadirachta Bark
Red earth
Sulphur (purified)
Allium ascalonicum seed

These ingredients, presumably in different combinations (if one is to be kind) are "guaranteed" by OHS to treat the following

Muscular Fasciculation

Kugelberg Welander Syndrome 

Pseudotumor Cerebri

Ascites

Myelodysplastic Syndromes

Teething Troubles (Yes. They say you should give it to babies!)

Spasmodic Torticollis

Enlarged Tonsils

Arachnoid Cysts

Multiple System Atrophy

Ameloblastoma

Wiskott Aldrich Syndrome

Horner's Syndrome

Chordoma

Benign Essential Tremor

Myelodysplastic Syndromes

Benign Essential Blepharospasm

Cronkhite-Canada Syndrome

Megaloblastic Anemia

Really.

So I did a little research on each of these ingredients:

Berberis aristata D.C Ext.: Here again is our friend the Tree turmeric, spelled correctly this time.

Melia Azadirachta Linn Seed: Azadirachata Indica is an evergreen tree native to India and the region. It is used for medicinal purposes: The bark is used for fever, nausea and skin diseases. The leaves are used for skin diseases -but applied topically.

I couldn't figure out what the seed oil (I presume this is what Linn Seed means) is used for specifically.

Raphanus satirus Linn: I think this might actually refer to Raphanus Sativus Linn, which is the Chinese radish. Its seeds are used for natural medicine in diuretics and laxatives and also to help naso-pharyngeal affections and stomach troubles

Melia azadirachta Bark: Bark from the Azadirachata Indica tree as mentioned previously. The bark is used for fever, nausea and skin diseases.

Red Earth: Um. I think as the description suggests, this is earth (dirt) that is red, from India. It is seems to be used in face packs and the like. I don't know why anyone would eat it, but maybe there is a good reason.

Sulphur (purified): Used in Indian homeopathic medicine. I am not sure what for, exactly

Allium ascalonicum seed: Allium ascalonicum is the common shallot. Shallots appear to contain more flavonoids and phenols than other members of the onion family.

While researching these ingredients, I found them listed in the same order, with the same misspellings, on a site that appears to have nothing (publically) to do with Oslo Health Solutions.

Check out the information for Pileen, a natural remedy for hemmorhoids, which is marketed and sold by Ark Corporation (Rawalpindi, Pakistan)

Some text from their site:

PILEEN is an effective herbal remedy for treatment of piles or haemorrhoids. It stops bleeding of haemorrhoids and relieves pain and inflamation. Pileen also removes the constipation, which is one of the main cuases of piles. Pileen is equally effective for both (internal and extrenal) forms of piles.

WHAT IS PILES?
Piles, also known as haemorrhoids, are swollen blood vessels in the back passage. There are two types of piles - internal or external: Internal piles are the most common form of the condition and appear as bright red shiny swellings inside the anal canal, covered in the thin, moist lining of the rectum. External piles are swollen veins close to the anal opening, covered in a layer of skin with a dark red or dusky purple appearance and can resemble bunches of grapes.The main cuases of piles are constipation (for a long period) and use of too much chillies and spices.

To prevent piles :

• Ensure that there is adequate roughage (bran, whole grains, green vegetable, and fruits) in your diet.
• Avoid alcohol, tea, coffee and very spicy food
• Drink at least 8 glasses of water daily preferably non-refrigerated.
• If your life style is sedentary include some exercises in your daily routine.
• Get yourself treated for any condition that is causing you to strain such as chronic cough
• Attend to nature's call daily and do not postpone the urge to defecate, but do not sit for too long in the toilet.
• Maintain god hygiene and keep the anal area dry learn to relax mentally and regularize your life style
• Isabghol husk can be taken as a bulk forming laxative.

DOSAGE:
Two tablets thrice a day with water.

INGREDIENTS:
Berberis Aristata ,Melia Azedarch, Linn Seed, Raphanus Satirus, Red Earth, Purified Sulphur, Allium Ascaionicum Seed.

Just a side-by-side look at the ingredients again: Pileen above, multiple OHS products below

Berberis aristata D.C Ext.
Melia azadirachta Linn Seed
Raphanus satirus Linn
Melia azadirachta Bark
Red earth
Sulphur (purified)
Allium ascalonicum seed

Fascinating, huh?

The funniest fact is this:  OSH do sell a product called Hemorotab, but the ingredients are completely different than the hemmorhoid treatment they apparently re-label and sell to treat MSA and other serious health conditions! Mad, eh? Here is the list for Hemorotab (Hemorotab! I ask you?! Sweet mother of God! I couldn't MAKE this stuff up!)

(The main ingredients of Hemorotab tablets are: Nuqra flakes , Ruby triturated, Turquoise, Agate green, Bombyx mori, Elettaria cardamomum, Conucilien, Corallium rubrum, Coral, Sea coconut, Ambra grasea, Aquilaria ovata, Delphinium denudatum, Doronicum hookeri, Lapis lazuli, Myristica indica, Pearls triturated, Vateria indica, zehar mohra, Crocus sativus

Hmmmm ...rather heavy on the precious and semi-precious stones, this one. Who knew hemmorhoids were so status-conscious?)

...but I digress...

On to Formulation 3...

This one is supposedly for the treatment of Idiopathic thrombocytopenic purpura (ITP), which is a bleeding condition in which the blood doesn’t clot as it should due to a low platelet count. OHS's "treatment" for this includes the following.

Ammonium Chloride
Potassium Nitrate
Cinnamomum
Tamala
Rheum Emodi, Wall
Base Q . S

My analysis:

Ammonium Chloride: Salt of Ammonia. Its expectorant action is caused by irritative action on the bronchial mucosa. This causes the production of excess respiratory tract fluid which presumably is easier to cough up. I'm not sure what benefit this woudl have to bleeding or platelets, exactly.

Ammonium salts are an irritant to the gastric mucosa and may induce nausea and vomiting.  (Again, not getting the platelet connection here)

Potassium Nitrate: Salt Peter. A popular misconception was that potassium nitrate caused impotence and it used to be added to food in all-male institutions. This myth has been debunked. However, potassium nitrate and other nitrates do successfully combat high blood pressure and are used medically to relieve angina.  (Fair enough -not that I think ITP causes either of these problems.)  Oh and BTW:   Platelets, anyone?

Cinnamomum Tamala: Indian Bay leaf. It is mostly used as a seasoning, but is reputed to help colic, diarrhoea, and "rheumatism". It is also said to reduce blood sugar.

Rheum Emodi, Wall: Reported to be useful in biliousness, chronic bronchitis, asthma, sore eyes and bruises.(OK! Maybe this one is for the platelets!)

Base Q . S: I could only find references to this as a listed ingredient in some shampoo that is supposed to prevent hair loss...

Formulation 4.

For Peptic Ulcer Disease,  -the thing that struck me -just looking down this list, was that there is a lot of strong, fragrant substances being sold to soothe a peptic ulcer? Logically, that doesn't compute...

Camphor: Camphor is used in several cough preparations such as Vicks and Buckley's as a cough suppressant and topical analgesic

Menthol: Menthol has analgesic properties that are mediated through a selective activation of κ-opioid receptors. Menthol also enhances the efficacy of ibuprofen in topical applications via vasodilation, which reduces skin barrier function

Oleum anisi: Oil of Anise is employed as an aromatic carminative to relieve flatulence. The oil may be administered on sugar or as Spiritus or Elixir Anisi. It is a mild expectorant, and is an ingredient of simple cough lozenges, often in combination with liquorice

Oleum carvi: Caraway Oil is used to impart flavor to medicines, and to correct their nauseating and griping effects

Oleum eucalypti: The oil of eucalyptus (which is chiefly eucalyptol) and eucalyptol, in small doses, are gentle stimulants; in large doses, they occasion irritation of the throat and fauces, with increased flow of saliva; cephalagia, with extreme fatigue; frequency of the pulse; increased temperature; diminution of vascular tension; gastric irritability, and, not unfrequently, diarrhoea, accelerated respiration, the peculiar odor of the oil being exhaled with the breath; and increase of the urinary excretion

Oleum pine: Pine Oil. It is given internally as a disinfectant and expectorant,

Thymol: Thyme extract. Recent medical research on rats concludes that "Thyme extract had relaxing effects on organs possessing β₂-receptors (uterus and trachea). Thymol has GABAergic properties via a mechanism of action similar to the anaesthetic propofol. Though much less potent, thymol may possess abuse potential (Nice!).

Tincture zingiber: Essence of Ginger  used to calm the stomach and also to treat pneumonia, acute and sub-acute dysentery

Formulation 5

This is purportedly for the treatment of Parkinson's Disease, Soft Tissue Sarcomas and Atrial Fibrillation. It was when I started to go through this particular list that I started to feel like I had stepped into the twilight zone. The lady from whom we bought our house had Parkinson's, and I saw a tiny piece of that that did to her. It is a horrible disease (most of the diseases OHS claim to treat are horrible. This seems to be deliberate). To think that these people are selling the list below (read it) as a "completely guaranteed and clinically proven herbal supplement that helps patients overcome the symptoms of Parkinson's Disease" just makes me want to vomit. Apparently, if I took some parkotab, I might do just that! Read on if you have the stomach for it:

Salvia Haematodes: (from a PubMed article) The aqueous extract of the root of Salvia haematodes has been investigated for its pharmacological actions on the cardiovascular and central nervous system. It was found to possess significant cardiotonic and anticonvulsant activities.

Centauria Behan: Centaurea Behen is the correct spelling. A white flower of the knapweed family. Said to be tonic.

Orchis Mascula: The ground-up root (called Salep) is very nutritive, astringent, expectorant and demulcent. It has been used as a diet of special value for children and convalescents,

Delphinium Denudatum: According to an Indian Medical site: "It helps in reducing the inflammation and also helps in relieving pain. It helps in curbing the infection happening in the body and wounds. It is a good nervine tonic and makes the nervous system strong. It improves digestion and normalizes the peristaltic movements in the gut. It stimulates heart for normal functioning and also helps in purifying the infected blood. It checks the respiratory system by expelling out the extra mucus from it. It is a good aphrodisiac agent and also normalizes the menstrual cycle". (I bet the men with Parkinson's will be pleased to have their cycles regulated. Quick! Call Michael J. Fox!)

Myristica Frargrans: Duplicate entry -a mispelling of Myristica Fragrans (i.e. nutmeg) -see below for details

Cinnamonum Cassia: "Chinese cinnamon", a key ingredient in 5 spice seasoning, but has no medical properties that I could find.

Doronicum Pardalia: Thanks to the misspelling of "Doronicum Pardalis" I found this little gem, from our friends at Ark Corporation in Pakistan.

Aren't misspellings fun?!

Doronicum Pardalis: -no such thing. Doronicum is a plant called leopard's bane and Pardalis is a descriptive word meaning well... leopard! (...so that means...what? leopard's leopard's bane? Leopards bane squared? The mind boggles...)

Zingiber Officinale: Common Ginger. It is often used as a natural remedy for stomach upset, motion sickness, and nausea

Asparagus Racemosus: A plant native to India. It is sometimes used to treat dyspepsia.

Paeonia Emodi: The Himalayan Peony. Not only is it purty,

it actually has a significant effect on the Central Nervous System.  Read this.

I don't know if this is necessarily a beneficial effect for Parkinson's sufferers, however...

Serpentine Bezoar:  It sounds like something out of Harry Potter, right? And it almost is. A bezoar is a mass found trapped in the digestive tract of an animal. A hairball is the most common kind (Yum!).

I couldn't find much information about serpetine beozar (outside of references on various OHS sites). I imagine most of the big ones would end up in a serpentine shape (think about it), as opposed to a having been taken from a snake's digestive tract, although maybe that's what they mean. Either way, I am not impressed.

In the middle ages, Beozars were highly prized and considered to be an antidote to any poison; -which theoretically makes it a good thing to put in this particular formulation,  given some of the other ingredients therein (see further down the list). But that myth was debunked in 1575.

Pearl Oster: This may refer to the remains of this woman (at this point, I wouldn't put anything past Oslo Health Solutions!)

...or it could mean "Pearl Oyster". This in turn, could either mean pearl oyster mushrooms, or it could refer to actual ground-up pearls (less likely).

Caryophilus Aromaticus, which are cloves

Kushta Qalee: I can't quite figure this one out. It appears to be some kind of substance popular for male performance improvement, It is used in several such products including  Ejacutab!  (hey look! There's the laughing couple again!)

Stychnos Nuxvomica: Misspelled. This refers to Strychnos Nux-Vomica, which is a product of the Strychnine tree. (Yes, really! Nux Vomica = poision nut!) According to the Internet, It can actually be used to treat flu, fatigue, hangovers, stress, headache and sleeplessness

...and to kill people, of course. Let's not forget that.

Asphaltum: No. This does not refer to ground-up road. Not quite, anyway. Asphaltum does occur naturally and is sold in India as Shilajit (which means destroyer of weakness in Sanskrit -love that!). According to a site I found "it works as a powerful anti oxidant thereby delaying aging. It is an effective remedy in arthritic conditions like rheumatoid arthritis, osteoarthritis, gout and other joint related problems and back pain".

Amber Gris: Ambergris occurs as a biliary secretian of the intetines of the Sperm whale and can be found floating upon the sea, or in the sand near the coast . Ambergris has been mostly known for its use in creating perfume and fragrance much like musk. During the Middle Ages, Europeans used ambergris as a medication for headaches, colds, epilepsy and other ailments

Bambusa Arundinacea: Thorny Bamboo. It is used as an aphrodisiac, diuretic, demulcent, tonic, pectoral, stimulant, and antifertility treatment.

Myristica Fragrans: Nutmeg! (known as Jaiphal in India) Jaiphal is a aromatic, carminative, hallucinogenic, stimulant that is considered effective in digestive disorder, de-hydration & skin disorders.

I wanted to continue this exercise. There are at least 8 other formulations that I have not covered. But honestly, I am feeling quite ill right now. I think If before, anyone might have thought there may be something to the claims of Oslo Health Solutions, the idea of giving whale bile, posion, hairballs and unstudied anti-convulsants to someone with Parkinson's disease will make them think again.

There will be a Part III in this series, because I still have some questions which I think are relevant. However, in the meantime, here is a list of even more Oslo Health Solutions products I have found while researching this piece.

Hernotab, Hemotab, Hemnotab, Hemorotab, Ejacutab, Phyratab, Fibritab

Is there no end? ...

Limbrel Update (Limbrel Part III)

I should start with the good news first:  My hands have been hurting less recently I have been seizing less. My foot has been less numb, my right leg giving out less, and I have been walking more steadily.

Hands aside, I don't think I have Limbrel to thank for this. Limbrel is not supposed to impact the neurological system. I think the more logical explanation is that I was granted some kids of temporary reprieve, which points (again) to an auto-immune condition such as MS or Lupus, rather than Limbrel as a miracle frug.

So I jumped on the scale this morning. OK I stepped on the scale. It is made of glass, so jumping -even if I felt up to that first thing in the morning -or ever (and I never do) is ill advised. The last number was 5. Actually it was 5.5. So I have gained 9½ lbs. That's the same as 10 lbs as far as I'm concerned.

Ten pounds in a MONTH!  And I'm only 5'3"!  That is a big deal. And not in a good way.

My first thought when I saw that number on the scale... -actually, it was my second thought (my first thought was unprintable -even for me) was how many calories are in these pills???? It was a kneejerk reaction -almost a joke. But then I realized it is a valid question. As I mentioned before,  Limbrel is not a drug. It is technically a medical food product. Well, the FDA has rules about food labelling and nutrition information, right?  So if Limbrel is a food, not a drug, things like calories and percentage daily values should be available, right?  Hmmmm. 

So I had a little look in my favorite place: The Internet.

I found Limbrel's official stance on the subject: It is regulated under the Orphan Drug Act (still love that name!) Amendment 1988, later incorporated into the Nutrition Information Regulation Volume 21 101.9(j)(8)(i)-(v).

That took a little digging, but I found it.

CFR 101.9 basically deals with all that nutrition labeling stuff, you know, the little grids we see on practically everything except lettuce and dog food these days?

which is what I expected.  But Limbrel wiggled out.  Here is the verbiage:

(8) Medical foods as defined in section 5(b) of the Orphan Drug Act (21 U.S.C. 360ee(b)(3)). A medical food is a food which is formulated to be consumed or administered enterally under the supervision of a physician and which is intended for the specific dietary management of a disease or condition for which distinctive nutritional requirements, based on recognized scientific principles, are established by medical evaluation. A food is subject to this exemption only if:

(i) It is a specially formulated and processed product (as opposed to a naturally occurring foodstuff used in its natural state) for the partial or exclusive feeding of a patient by means of oral intake or enteral feeding by tube;

(ii) It is intended for the dietary management of a patient who, because of therapeutic or chronic medical needs, has limited or impaired capacity to ingest, digest, absorb, or metabolize ordinary foodstuffs or certain nutrients, or who has other special medically determined nutrient requirements, the dietary management of which cannot be achieved by the modification of the normal diet alone;

(iii) It provides nutritional support specifically modified for the management of the unique nutrient needs that result from the specific disease or condition, as determined by medical evaluation;

(iv) It is intended to be used under medical supervision; and

(v) It is intended only for a patient receiving active and ongoing medical supervision wherein the patient requires medical care on a recurring basis for, among other things, instructions on the use of the medical food.

And that's all very well and good, but here I am gaining ten pounds in a month with no logical reason why. OK I am craving noms like a lolcat on weed, but I totally blame the Limbrel for that. I looked up weight gain as a side effect for Limbrel, and they claim there is none. I Googled 'Limbrel weight gain' and guess where I ended up?  Yes. Back here on OSM. *Sigh.* Limbrel is a very new frug, so not much out there on it yet except the official blurb, so I drew a blank.

Sometimes being a pioneer is bad.

There was a theory that maybe the weight gain was new muscle, but I don't think this is the case. I don't have that many muscles around my midriff, which is where I am gaining most of the weight (unusual for me). It's not muscle. I can feel myself getting fatter. I can feel the difference in my body as I wash or turn in bed.  I am not happy with this. 

And I am not sure what to do? I have been eating more carbs for many months now. In fact, I have been eating mostly carbs. I had already gained some weight using this strategy, but at nothing like the rate of the last month.  High-carb seems to help with the seizures. So I was OK with a little weight gain if it meant a life somewhat closer to normal.

But I cannot keep gaining at this rate. I am out of clothes for one thing. And I hate being this big for another. As I am exercise intolerant, the only thing which works for me is an Atkins-type plan. however eating Atkins makes me very very tired -although if I keep very strictly to it, I will seize less.

I guess I am going to cozy up (again) with my much-thumbed copy of the Atkins book -for now.

I will keep you guys updated.

Limbrel Review Part II

I am still taking the "frug" Limbrel. It's been just over a week now, and I am happy to report that the worst of the stomach issues seem to have passed (OK that was a bad joke). I am still more heartburny and stomach-upsetty than normally, but  -happily for my family-  the toxic flatulence has relented for the most part. The remaining residuals I can blame on the dog, who is usually the most frequent offender in that regard. It helps that he habitually parks himself right beside me, anyway. Hey, if opportunity presents itself, who am I to turn it down?

I have noticed no improvement in my arthritis whatsoever.

But here's a funny thing:  I bent to pick something up off the floor the other day.  As I have Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome, I am um.. "limber". I pick stuff up and tie my shoes by bending at the waist and keeping my knees straight or locked (yes. there is a difference: "Locked" in my case is a ways past straight). I don't even think about it, it's just what I do and have done just about forever. I get funny looks when I tie my shoe in public.

Well, I bent to pick something up off the floor the other day and felt a funny sensation in the back of my right knee:  A an unfamiliar tightness, which took me by surprise. I thought little of it at first -thought maybe I had slept funny- but it has continued for some days, In fact, it has now spread to the left leg, too. 

Now, when I at the waist bend to put my palms flat on the floor... Well, I can still do it, but I feel that pull in the back of my legs that was not there before. Is this the Limbrel?  I don't know. I can't think what else has changed.

Another thing that has changed, which I am NOT happy about: I have suddenly gained some weight.  My weight usually fluctuates about 4 lbs from day-to-day or week-to week, depending (I assume) on whether my body is choosing to hold or flush water and sodium.  However it does so within a range, and if it stays in that range I don't worry too much about it. Usually  it stays in the 6-9 lb range when looking at the last number on the scale. Now those numbers have changed and the range is from 9-2, which means the middle number is also changing more often than not. I am so NOT happy about that. Again, -although it has been a holiday, and I did eat a little more than usual, I don't think it was enough to cause that much weight gain.  I think I have Limbrel to thank for at least three of those four pounds.

I am seriously tempted to throw in the towel on this Limbrel business, but it is too early yet, so I will persevere. 

I will keep you guys posted.